时光飞逝， 转眼间，12个星期的学校实习已过了7个星期。 只剩下5个星期就会圆满落幕了。

5个星期！？ 还有好多事情没办耶！ 有个大project! 还有casework! 更糟糕的是， 还有张荣誉论文(due 1Dec)还没动笔！ 可能要要求extend了。。。 :S

不过， 没关系，相信船到桥头自然直， 有没有那一次不是在这么tight的deadline上"交货".

开始对未来有了点期望， 也对揭开自己心结走向了第一步。 不告示你是哪一步。Heh!


实习之后，要等个3个多月，才能拿到成绩单耶。 要再等个大半年才能参加毕业典礼，拿到正式文凭。 想过啦，事业取向，没有改变，依然想成为一名高级监狱官。 不过在那之前，一定要“远走高飞”！ 去哪里不重要，大概会是越南，廖国，柬埔寨之类的吧。 去多久，也不清楚，没钱就回来咯。 不过也不会太久，最多一个月吧。 目的是什么呢？ 目的我清楚， 是要寻找自我， 认识自己。 一个人的旅途，勤力勤为， 寻找的就是一个答案。

不去想象会发生什么事， 该来的，总是会来的。 不知会有怎样的经历， 不过，我相信，在那旅程之后，我一定能够为自己找到一个满意的答复。


不过，在飞去之前，当然要先赚旅费啦， 有谁要请我吗！？ 哈哈哈！

Calling out to friends who wants to watch 兄弟，战鼓，色戒 or Resident Evil Extinction. Please kindly contact me to arrange for a time.

Thank you.

Shout out: aaaaahhhhhhhhhh.... "@.@

although i spent half my time at the airport surfing net, still manage to get work done! heh. so another productive day.

came back home and got somemore work done. heh.

learning to take some of Vincent's advise, take it easy. Don't give yourself too much stress, and you can accomplished more than when you are focused on wanting to get things done.

As the saying goes "Slow and steady wins the race!"

taking kuang hong's word for it too, it does not matter how much work is done as long as there is work done.


Wanted to put up a picture of how we(he) was lazing around in the afternoon at the airport. but i too am lazy to get the picture, its in my HP, 2m away. =p

Haven't felt like such an accomplished day for quite a long time!

I did 3 things today! Visited 2 ex-colleagues' house for Hari Raya, catch up a lot with all of them and had a super-duper-whooper nice and light-hearted chat with my bestest sec brother.

The feeling is just, well nice. I can't find a better word to describe how i feel.


House visit number 1: Yati house.

Although i didn't manage to talk to her a lot as there were many guests in her house, it sure was nice seeing her again. And also 2 other ex-colleagues. Managed to talk a bit with both.

Yati was my "mentor" who taught me my work in TTSH. And i appreciate all that she had taught and shared with me, all the talking, complaining and the lunches as well. Although things did not always went right, and there were the ups and downs, the fact that she invited and i went to her house on her new year day showed that's a all well that ends well.

House visit number 2: Hamzah house.

Hamzah is another ex-colleague i came to know at SCS. It is the second time i visit his place for Hari Raya. The first being while we were colleagues and the whole bunch of us stomped his place. Today, the bunch is dispersed, leaving only me and him that met up.

It's nice to catch up with him, there was so much missing since we last spoken. Ultimately, it is nice to be remembered and invited, although we seldom were in contact for a while.


Light-hearted chat with Vincent: MosBurger, J8.

Later met up with Vincent over at Bishan J8.

Sidetrack: I basically travelled North, East, South, West then Central today. ><

Vincent seemed so much happier than the last time i saw him. He too went through some ups and downs and i'm just glad that he made it through all by himself and emerge victory. Having went through ups and downs myself recently, i guess seeing him makes me feel so much more the better.

We talked quite a lot (i think). And he shared with me his enlightenment on the things he had been studying, pondering and practicing - Way of the Tao. I probably didn't really understood half of what Tao is, but as he shares, it dawns upon me, how i too would like to subscribe to the thinking of Tao.

As far as i could understand and appreciate, learn to take things easy and take things as it happens. Be happy. Its difficult to put down into words. But it sorts of put you at peace with the world. Like nothing can hurt you.

Anyway, before anyone gets confused over Tao. It is not praying to Dua Bek Gong, Lok Chiam See and Syeow Kim Zua. A serious misconception. Tao is basically a philosophy for life. How it ended up as the Syeow Kim Zua thing, i also like to know.

So i left MosBurger, with a lighter heart. My brother is no saint. Its just so that i could link his thoughts and experiences to myself, especially after so much pent up emotions that it felt kinda of good to be able to let go a bit. =)

i think its time to start looking forward into the future and not dwell on the past!

I think my body is already accustomed to waking up early. My plan was to sleep until 10am in the morning, but i had to wake up at 6.30am and can't sleep.

Its really okie, coz i quite like waking in the morning without the worry that i need to go to work. And so i listened to the radio, surfed some net and toyed around a little with my favourite HP.

And its nice to wake early, went for breakfast with mum and dad and got some personal stuffs done (like paying the bills...). So, now i am home and slacking. THIS IS LIFE.


Anyway, i think i am turning into a Malay. I got 2 house visit for Hari Raya to attend... >.<" CNY also like that. Looking forward to Malay foods! Love Malay food =) And seeing friends that i have not seen for a while.

(oh! i haven't buy gifts for them! sigh...)

I dedicate this entry to the person who came closest to opening my heart.

I always thought you know me best. I shared with you things that i don't share with any one else. I always thought you understand. But i thought wrong.

Admittedly, after that day, i was upset. I truly am.

Now, i am just disapointed. To find out that you actually never did understood. That you too place your judgement upon others. And in the end, the person who hurts me most is you. Your words hurt. It's a kind of hurt that will not be healed easily.


Interestingly, i still read what you wrote. I still find out what is going on in your life. And it hurts me deeper. Sometimes, i wish i was him. I wish i was the one who had disappear, maybe then, the person who left a place in your heart would be me. A place. Did i have one? Whatever happened to the last five years? It feels like i am a close friend who had mistakenly stepped over the line.

I thought i wanted to be cruel, and walk out of your life, like him. But you were very upset over his leaving already. And i did not want you to feel that kind of hurt, whether or not my leaving will cause you any hurt.

Knowing you, this will anger you and hurt you too. And you will probably not speak to me as well. It's your choice. My disappointment has hit rock bottom till i won't feel a thing whatever you say. I will still appear if you need me, but my heart is shutted.

i am upset.

tommorrow is the solemnisation date for my cousin's wedding. my family is invited to witness the ceremony, which will take place in the evening. my mother asked for day-off to attend the ceremony, but was turned down by her boss, given the reason: not enough manpower.

its not like she requested for it last minute, she put up the request at least a week ago. NBCB la her boss. i sincerely wished her boss would meet with an accident and die or something.

and this is not the first, it happened many times. too many times till i don't even want to waste my breathe mentioning.

had been urging her to change job for the longest time i can remember, yet nothing is going into her head. i can understand why she held on dearly to the job. which pains me. deeply. we need the money.

i am not rich. i have not start earning. my mum/dad's income is only sufficient to maintain the family. any disturbance to the equilibrium, we are a goner. for example, a lost of job.

do you see the point? if you have been following my blog, you would know that i pursued a social work degree, but is not planning a career as a social worker. coz a social worker earns peanuts (currently). i would love to do the job, if i live in my own world. but i need a decent paycheck. so that my parents will not have to work so hard. so that i can provide them with a decent monthly allowance and that they can reduce work hours. and yes, i plan to get marry. even though i don't have a girlfriend yet. all this needs money.

i respect john. john is an aspiring social worker, a friend and a fellow coursemate. john is 33 this year, and he is getting married (Congrates!!). y do i respect him? coz he was able to survive on a paycheck of less than 2k for the longest period, doing what he believed is his calling. now that he is planning on marriage, he said to me that he now needs to plan his finances carefully, he wants kids, yes i understand. he (and his soon-to-be wife) will need to tread carefully, calculate and plan whatever is necessary for the future. to them, adequate comfort is enough.

in reality, i don't want to be like him. i want to be prepared. i want the best for my kids and my wife, because i understand what it means to have nothing. and something out of nothing.

my kids don't have to live in luxury. i don't want them to either. they must experience a little hardship. to appreciate life. but what i do want for them, is to live in a little above decent place, experience a little above decent life and lived a little above what his father had been through.

and yes, money and a little above decent paycheck is necessary.

Heh, i can't help but put up a picture of my new W580i! I'm loving it!

Its the fruit of my labour, from my month-long hardwork at TTSH while juggling classes, thesis, tuition and a load of crappy assignments. All which materialized into this tiny W580i.

Its definitely a small appreciation for myself, for the hard work i had put in. You won't believe how excited and touched i was when i received this phone. After 2-years of using the sturdy Nokia6100, i finally have a Camera/Mp3-walkman/video/fm radio phone that comes along with many tiny but wonderful features to call my own. Probably, no one will understand how grateful i am, and how proud i am of my W580i. =)

You can say anything about my phone! Whatever you say, my phone rocks!

yes i walk alone. no, no one can understand me. not even you.

6years ago, maybe more, i am not sure already. My (ex)girlfriend said to me: "Why do you not share your problems with me?" 6years later, it seems that i still have not open my heart out to many, yet. Maybe... Only her... But she does not know everything either. She knows the most, but not everything.

It took her an entire 5-years, to have me talking. And it never happened again after that. Here and there, i exposed part of my hearts to people whom i thought can understand. Here and there. I trialed, i errored. Is there such a person as a soulmate? Is there really someone out there, whom i can share my life with, talk to without being judged? Understands and accept? Who would like to try? Who would even care to??

I don't deny it, i don't share (a lot). You probably need more then screwdrivers and spanners to open me. You need electronic drill systems, a durable pair of helmet/goggles and bring some dynamics along too. Most importantly, bring patience and a heart full of perseverance and sincerity. I am easily touched.



I saw, from a friend's friendster of a recent breakup. The friend has since got a new girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend even posted words of encouragement for him, to move on and be happy with his new girl. Such wonderful girl, strong words of encouragement, hiding behind her own tears and struggles. Of course, its what i perceived. Whether or not there is really tears and struggles, i am not sure, but girls being girls, they probably feel for the guy.

I am always sadden by break-ups, especially of those known to me. And always brighten by new relationships, coz its the beginning of something new, and magical. So i sincerely wished my friend for the best in this new beginning and his ex a speedy recovery.