I dedicate this entry to the person who came closest to opening my heart.

I always thought you know me best. I shared with you things that i don't share with any one else. I always thought you understand. But i thought wrong.

Admittedly, after that day, i was upset. I truly am.

Now, i am just disapointed. To find out that you actually never did understood. That you too place your judgement upon others. And in the end, the person who hurts me most is you. Your words hurt. It's a kind of hurt that will not be healed easily.


Interestingly, i still read what you wrote. I still find out what is going on in your life. And it hurts me deeper. Sometimes, i wish i was him. I wish i was the one who had disappear, maybe then, the person who left a place in your heart would be me. A place. Did i have one? Whatever happened to the last five years? It feels like i am a close friend who had mistakenly stepped over the line.

I thought i wanted to be cruel, and walk out of your life, like him. But you were very upset over his leaving already. And i did not want you to feel that kind of hurt, whether or not my leaving will cause you any hurt.

Knowing you, this will anger you and hurt you too. And you will probably not speak to me as well. It's your choice. My disappointment has hit rock bottom till i won't feel a thing whatever you say. I will still appear if you need me, but my heart is shutted.