http://www.ncpc.gov.sg/video_prisonme.htm

This is a Prisons Video i found on the net, its quite long, about 15min. It is used to discourage teenagers from choosing the wrong side of the law.

It is SICK. If Prisons really function this way, i will rethink whether to work there later. It is really SICK. If Prisons promise of "Rehab, renew, restart" means this, i think they have to go review the meaning of their words.

Then again, because this video is use to warn people of the harshness of prisons, maybe thats the reason why they portray all the negative part to it.

What SUCKS:
1) There is a strip search where the prisoner must take off all his clothes, bend here bend there while the prison officer looked on. The reason is to make sure that the prisoner does not bring in any dangerous thing into the prison. Who in the right mind will put a swiss army knife in his asshole when he goes to prison. what is the rationale behind this man. I think its meant to degrade him.

2) The prisoner does not have a proper seat when addressed by the officers, they have to squat beside the officer while he "interview" him. What, just because he made a mistake, he dosen't deserve a chair? This just put the officer in a top-down position and makes the prisoner learn who's boss. And this too, its just meant to degrade him further. As if being locked up, having to shit infront of 4 people, lost all freedom and face 4 walls everyday is not punishment enough for them.

3) The way the prisons officer are trained to talk to them, there is no rehabiliative value in them at all, its simply putting the blame on them, the conversation in the film goes something like this:
Officer: What are you in here for?
Prisoner: Gangfight, sir..
Officer: Gangfight...!? Happy now!? Come prison!
Prisoner: No sir...
Officer: What!?
Prisoner: NO SIR!!!!
What theraphutic value is there in this initial conversation?

4)They run the prisons like a 3rd grade army camp in the 60s. March here march there, drill here drill there. This part isn't too bad as this instills discipline if dished in the correct amount.

Then again, i may be the frog in the well, i can't base my perception of the Prisons Services based on a video meant to deliver warning to potential young law-breakers.

Correct me if you have better knowledge.

Today the pasa malam below my house opened, so basically went for a little stroll, thought it's be good since i have not visited a pasa malam for like ages already.

Boring.

Walked one round only, basically, i was just walking... didn't even bother to see what they were selling... All the same. then it strikes me how things have changed, how I have changed..

Back when i was 10years old, pasa malam was fun! Pasa malam means i'l be getting new clothes, new wallets, belts, new toys when i get to visit them with mum! Pasa malam means buying taiwan sausages, chicken wings and pop corns and endless protest over why i should buy e muah chee...

Then when i grew to 16years old, pasa malam was still fun! Pasa Malam means late night venturing with my friends, my buddies! Pasa Malam means challenging each other to thrilling rides, buying HP accessories, t-shirts, sharing $ to buy our favourite band's CD and eating out all the good food on sale!

Moving on... 19years old, Pasa Malam means a time where i could leisurely stroll with my girl, enjoying each other's company while trying my best to protect her from the raging crowd. Pasa Malam means sniffing out cutie stuffs out of nothingness and getting them for each other.

Now, Pasa Malam means nothing.

It is true that Geminis' always think about life. Having lived for the past 23 years, i have not stop pondering upon it. What is the meaning of my very existence? I guess everyone will define this differently, and i am no different, i define it by my own way too.

At one point of time, i felt god made a mistake about me. Another, i thought i knew why i'm here. Now, I believe that everyone is here for a purpose, that we are here on a mission, we may spend a lifetime fulfilling it, but we will finish our task, and move on.

I'm defining my purpose of being here, through countless pondering, endless thoughts, i am here to make a difference, to all around me, to put a smilez always on their face. I am not a saint, i do not want to save the world, although i will if i have the power, but at least i can make a difference to those who have come thou to me.

There are so many people out there whom we can make a dfference to, the old auntie trying so hard to cross the road, the kitten stuck on the rooftop, the destitute who had no place to live, the delinquent who had taken the wrong track, the pregnant woman on the MRT Train. It is just so simple.

Another purpose, to find the very someone on this very land who is meant for you, to have, to hold and to protect for the rest of your life. She too, is looking for you, to have, to hold, to support and to love.

I envy those who have someone to hold on to now, i use to have too, but she has gone, for she and i, have completed our purpose together, and we must move on. It was hard, but it was meant to be this way.

I read somewhere and still strongly believe, the first love in your life, is there to teach you how it feels like to be loved, the second love teaches you how to love another unconditionally, the final one may neither be the one who loves you most deeply or whom you love most, she will be someone whom you are able to spend the rest of your life together with, to stick through thick and thin.

Jiaqi taught me how it was liked to be loved.

"Do you, _____, take _____ as your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

"I do"

I like wedding vows, they mean so much, the power of the 2 words, means that 2 has become 1.

"Your cup will never empty, for i will be your wine.. With this candle, i will light your way in darkness, with this ring, i ask you to be mine.." -Victor, Corpse Bride

I have been wondering to myself why do i write? Why did i blog whereby i didn't do it before? Why?

Why do people blog? I decided a few reasons. They want to be noticed. They want to leave behind fragments of their existence. They want to share their lifes with others. They have nothing else better to do. They wanted to keep in contact. They read about others, so they decide to give something in return. Everyone is doing it.

Me, when i first started to write, i used it as a channel to vent my frustration. A place where i could, for myself, remember my days as i do not keep a diary. A place where i could relive my feelings again~~

No intention to announce to anyone that i had an online diary, just for me, myself and anyone who happens to chance upon it.

I don't remember when i started telling people that i have a blog, or did i? But it must be pretty soon that i start to have readers, most of who are my close friends, whom in fact, i want them to know what i feel and think now.

So i totally lose to the blogging bug, i visit my own blog to look for comments, for people to tell me that they have being reading from it, and that makes me happy.

When did it happen, that... i start to write for others who reads them and not for myself? When did it happen that whatever i write, i wrote with others in mind, on what they think is nice to read but not just from what i feel. Not that what i wrote are not true, they are, its just that from my point of view, i am writing not for myself anymore.

I've lost it, i realised, that my writing is not as good as before. I used to just write, now i write with a motive.. So much that from a site that has only got a simple layout, a title and some posts, it has evolved into one with tagboards, wishlist, personal pictures and even a visitor counter...

I am not going to change anything on my site, simply because i put in effort to design it. But i will like to now remind myself that i write for the sake of keeping memories, this, i want it to be a place where my memories resides...

Jiaqi said that i "have found a way of ventilation in blogging" and i agreed! This was what i use as a point of focus after what happened between the 2 of us, my way of coping~! Because i did start writing soon after our episode ended. By writing and penning down my feelings, i could become at peace with myself.

I will continue to write, for this is where my memories resides.

Hong Kong 2004

Hong Kong 2005

The first picture was taken when i when there in Nov 2004. I took the exact same picture at the exact same spot in Nov 2005! I wanna add a Nov 2006 to the collection =(

I miss Hong Kong! Especially the times i spent there! Oh, the place's called Stanley Market (or Chek Ju)! Its located on Hong Kong Island at a not-so-crowded area! Very much like our own Holland Village, only that its much more peaceful, quiet and demure... I wanna just sit by the cafes by the bay and sip coffee over the beautiful sky while enjoying its peace and quiet... No stress... No worries... No work... No studies... No assignment deadlines...

I wanna go back Hong Kong... Who would like to grant my wish?

I didn't even know about it! Until i was awaken by mum to eat the "Ji Dan Mian Xian" =D To them, i am officially 24!

But its ok, for getting up to eat the "Mian Xian", i got $50! My birthday gift from mum to me!

"Nah, go buy whatever you want!" Felt like a child again! Thanks mum! Heh...

I would have prefered they got me a present, but it never happened, same as previous years, i usually get some money to "Go celebrate with your friends" & "Get whatever you want". Its their way of giving back to me, its not in their practice to celebrate their son's birthday. I understand, they worked very hard, just to see me through to graduation, so they won't have to work so hard anymore. I really appreciate them, and the effort for mum to even remember my lunar birthday.

Sometimes, i really feel that maybe i should not carry on studying anymore and just come out to work, whenever i see the weary face of mum when she comes home from work, it really aches my heart, i don't want them to suffer anymore, i'm able to take care of myself, but i couldn't take care of them yet?

Its the encouragement that she gave me that pushes me on, yes, she wants to retire, but she also wants to see that i become someone she could be proud of, thats why she pushes till today, so does my dad, and that i should not disappoint them by giving up before them.

Thank you mum & dad for all the support you've given me, i appreciates them all. And i will not disappoint you!

The $50 shall now go into the "Save-Alvin Fund" setup by the man himself so that he is able to live independently for the time being.

Yes! I finally did it! I finally went to workout a little! No, i didn't run. But it was as good as running, i went cycling!

Cycled all the way to my classmate John's office, in Kallang! And...It was good! Haven't paddle so hard for sooo long! Well, we were suppose to meet-up to discuss our upcoming assignments and to do our(their) roleplay. Actually i thought i don't want to go, coz i've done my roleplay and i thought i could do better to write my essays on my own. Well, i already promised and yes, i want to take it as an excuse to finally do something about my lazy lifestyle, and boy am i glad i did!

Let's talk about my trip! It was nothing smooth-sailing...

We were suppose to meet at Kallang MRT station at 6.30pm, i suppose i should take less then an hour to reach there and after consulting my trusty street directory, i thought i figured out the best route to the station:
Hougang->Upper Serangoon->Paya Lebar->Macpherson Estate->Kallang!
So with that assumption and taking in consideration of any unexpected event (lucky i did), i decided to leave home at 5.30pm.

Boy could i be more wrong! It took me a goddamn 1hr to reach my destination! Not only did i figured out later that i took an EXTREMELY long route, i had to miss the Macpherson Estate junction (you must be thinking how on earth can someone miss a junction on a bike! but there really isn't one! and so much constructions!), ride all the way up to Paya Lebar MRT instead, traffic was horrendous, i risked my life to get to that destination, endless checking of my back to see if there were any giant lorries trailing me, battling countless vehicles, getting honked at for at least 6times, once by a bus and enduring merciless stares by pedestrian thinking what on earth is this idiot trying to do in this kind of traffic!

Then, Paya Lebar MRT! I'm near! 2 MRT stops shouldn't be too far, so i thought. I was wrong! It couldn't have being further.. There i was, desparately trying to follow the MRT track, and who built the stupid MRT track anyway, why can't it follow the main road!? I cut into the smaller roads just to try to follow the track, so as to not get lost. In, out, up, down, in, out, up, down. Staircases! Damn it. Up, down, up, down. Dead end. Crap... So, in the end, just head back to the main road and follow it. Oh, then, Kallang MRT is on the main road. =.=" Idiot.

So finally i reached. 6.30pm(Wow!). Legs tired. Mouth dried. Head spinning (most prob due to the lack of oxygen to my brain!). John was there! Have to wait for KC. Asked John, "So where's your office?" "Oh, that's easy, see the junction there? Go right, and go all the way until you see the 1st 7-11, very near." Great, near was what i need.

What near? Boy, what was his definition of near man? =.=" I can take a 2.4km test with that distance! Ok...Maybe i exagerated, but that was not MY definition of near..

Was glad that we finally reached! Hey, the dinner was rather worth the trip actually! Was it because i was famished?

Then we went on to his office to do the roleplay, must mention, John is a freaking good actor, he was roleplaying as this old lady for KC and it sounded so real, haha, John should go Mediacorp, why is he a youth worker?

Ok... now the "tui" part. John told me Bendemeer Road was very near his office. Why "tui"? Because: Bendemeer Road->Upper Serangoon->Hougang! (refer above for route i took to Kallang...) He led us to Bendemeer road, went for a little supper, and we went home.

It took me only 30min to reach back home, and i took 1hour to get there...

Anyway, my utimate aim was met! I did a great workout (would not have being better if i haven't go the wrong way!), covered at least 20km today. Going to do it again soon!

Now... Tired... Sleepy... Shagged... Haven't shower... Leg ache... i'm going to clean up and pop into bed.

Leave the worries for assignments till tommorrow~! (1.5x writings to go.)

Wonderful.

No work, all the time in the world, wake up 10am everyday, feeling lethargic @.@"

Used to wake up everyday at 6am for the past 3months, never know i could adjust to waking up at 10am so easily! Wow~~ Now i do feel that i have all the time in the world to do everything that i am missing out for the past few months, but there i am, just PLAIN LAZY to do it!? =(

I am suppose to:
1)Go running everyday (failed to wake up...)
2)Catch up on my readings (surf net...)
3)Finish my 3x assignments (supposed to have started on the last 2 this week...)

Time flies when you are stoning... But then again, never mind lah, i have the time to stone, i will just do it. I'm sure everything will come together somehow! So i shall keep stoning...stoning... Heh!

That's me, stoning is a favourite pasttime (please, i reflect a lot when i stone ;))

Maybe i'l go running tomorrow (Maybe not...).

Went to watch MI3 yesterday at the new Cathay cinema. The place was crapped too, come on, why on earth do they open a cinema with... only the cinema! Please, all the shops, even cafes were not open yet! So we had to stone around at the entrance untill the show starts...

Ok... There's this Ben & Jerry ice cream parlour that was open, and theres live musics there, which wasn't so bad, but that was it!

Then comes MI3, crappy show, i remember everyone telling me how good it was, stunts and everything, but then... Hmm... Maybe its because of the expectation thingy again, like The Matrix a few years back, with everyone telling me how good it was, then in the end i was disappointed.

I don't understand a damn thing about MI3, only gunshots and stunts (which one of my friend had conviniently tell me Cheng Long had all done before...Haha). I can't appreciate action films...

1)I think Hollywood tries too hard, with all the spectacular explosions, kickass stunts, jumping from high buildings, 2x chopper flooping around and yet they never crash into one another and bullets as if they were free of charge.

2)Why does the bloody secret agent, after killing off so many idiots, still get away scot-free? Where's the justice? How about the innocent ones?

3)MI3's star agent Ethan, he uses his real name on a mission? What the hell...

4)You don't need visa as a secret agent.

5)Why does the bloody top-office agent always have to turn out as the bad guy..?

6)Must it always involve things like blowing up the world?

7)When will Ethan retire? MI99:Its still Impossible so far... Crap.

No doubt, the tactics and technique they use were cool~~ I specially like how they coordinate everything, and appear at the same place at the same time, haha. And i like them appearing in Vatican and Shanghai out of a sudden.

I'm sure many have enjoyed the show, but i can't appreciate Action Film already. I have ermz, grown out of that age? Now i will rather watch shows like "Brokeback Mountain", no, i'm not gay, but these shows are thought provoking. ;)

"Good bye Mr Goh...Thank You Mr Goh..."

Yes, i have heard that for the last time on Thursday, my last class... my last day as a teacher... Farewell girls~~ I will miss you all~

Its a mixture of feelings, as i leave the school compound on the rainy thursday evening, it was drizzling, as though heaven is trying to weep for my departure, there was an era of sadness and lost, yet, there was a certain feel of relieve as well.

I admit i have being looking forward to this day, when i can walk out of the school telling myself that i will never have to face all this "shitz" anymore (not that i don't like my job, but there are implications that i would rather not discuss...), yet i knew all along that when the day come, i will not be as happy as i ought to be.

The day i left school, i felt like a celebrity. Yes, having taken ALL the sec1s and sec2s, i sort of knew half the school, no, it should be the other way round, half the school knew me. Everywhere i go, i bump into students that will bid my last goodbyes~~ Some of the encouragement i heard, which is heartfelt by me:

"Mr Goh, you're really leaving?"
"Don't leave us Mr Goh, you so nice.."
"Good luck to you Mr Goh~~"
"Mr Goh, will you come back and teach us?"
"Can we have your email, Mr Goh?"
"Why are you leaving!!?? =("

Seriously, i never made this up, they are all comments that i have heard before i left, and it really makes teaching so much worth it after all. Well, i thought that the satisfaction of teaching really comes in only when your're gonna leave them, or when Teacher's Day is here~~ Thats' when you feel really appreciated.

I have being bidding farewell since last friday, because i took different classes everyday for a whole week, so when i ended my last lesson, i didn't feel anything.. But there are really classes that i really enjoyed, and really miss them, classes that are so nice, you wish you could hang on to them forever, girls that makes you melt (not in the sense of love plz) when you talk to them, girls that makes you laugh, laugh along with you, look at you with innocent eyes when they knew they did something wrong, girls who shouts so loud you think the principal can hear, girls who enjoyed what i teach, girls who appreciates..

Those are the ones who made me stay on till today~~ But then, not all are so great, some are pretty lukewarm about my class and my leaving, i don't blame them, i'm not so great myself, i not GTO(Great Teacher Onizuka) you know~ I felt sad when i was not able to engage them, felt my incompetent in handling students~~ My incompetents in the stuffs i'm trying to teach as well~~

My regrets is that i wasn't able to know each one of them better, but how to when you are thrown 900 students to teach, i remember faces, but i don't recall names, unless those i paid special attention to. School really should engage more teachers, at least i could give each one more attention when i have lesser students to teach, then again, i have no more say.

I love my students, even those who didn't took a liking to my teachin style. What i told each class as a leaving statement: (Not the exact words, but something like this)

"Mr Goh is leaving the school, leaving you all soon to pursue my own dreams, i really enjoyed teaching all of you and hope you too have felt the same. Mr Goh wishes you all the best in your studies. From now on, its Mr Goh no more. You can now call me Alvin, if you happen to see me on the streets on day, please come and call me.."

Then on my last day~~ I met one group of my students (from one of my favourite class which ended days before):
Girl1:"Mr Goh, you haven't leave!?"
Me: *smilez* "Last day here~~"
Girl2:"No, its Alvin!!!"
Me: *literally laugh out loud* Yes yes, right right~~

Nice isn't it? I think most teacher will disagree with me, how can they address you by your name!? But to me, its nothing, i rather be address by name, it feels more personal, if not for school protocols that things shall not work this way. I mean yea, its kind of "respect" to address you with "Mr Something", but shouldn't respect come from the heart but not from the way you are addressed? I rather be called "Alvin" and receive the same respect from them.

A student comments that i am nice, too nice to exert a control over them. And yes, i agree totally with her, i am those totally nice teacher in school (and i feel you don't get too many of them in schools) that do not mind a lot of things, slacks, joke with them, talk cock, allow gaming, allow light snacks in the lab... Too nice till most of the time, they climbed over my head...

That's why i say although i like mingling with students, i can't be a teacher, i don't have that "wei yan" or authoritian attitude to be one.

Too many a thought for my leaving...

I shall miss all of them, hold on to my precious memory of my times as a teacher and move on~~

I don't think i will ever have a chance to teach in secondary schools again.

The sounds of "Good morning Mr Goh~~" will forever be engraved in my mind. I was a teacher after all.

Haven't had such an enjoyable lazy saturday and sunday for such a while!

Saturday:
No Assignment to rush.
Wake up at 8.30am (ROCKED to consiousness by mum who wanted to go early to vote)
Went voting at 9.00am (Expected a long queue, but woah, NO QUEUE!!!)
Reach home at 10.00am, surf net (Reeeelaxx....)
No Assignment to rush.
11.30am, Fetch Grandpa to go Vote (filial aien't i?)
1pm, Lunch with Dad! At Kovan Mall (Haven't being there for a while!)
After that, went shopping abit and rented "Corpse Bride" and "Wallace and Gromit" for my students to watch next week =)
3pm, reach home, do some stuffs.
No Assignment to rush.
5pm, napped till 7pm (Heh~!)
7.30pm, Dinner brought back by Dad! (Wooha! Thanks Dad!) TV all the way!
Shi Zi Lu Kou, Xian Jian follow by Dad's anticipated polling result~~
12am, sleep~~~
No Assignment to rush. (heh~~)

Sunday:
Wake up... ermz...12pm! (Wahah!)
No Assignment to rush.
Had brunch.
No Assignment to rush.
Back to bed (i actually wanted to do some work... but then again... nah).
Wake up 5pm.
Watch "Corpse Bride", plan lesson for my students.
Dinner at 7pm.
8.30pm (Blogging now!)
Heh~~

I wish every weekend can be like that~~~~

**pish** Beaten on the head to reality**
Hello boy~~ You still have:
1) 1x roleplay assignment
2) 2x essay each worth 2250 word to write
3) Hoards of readings to catch up on~~~
4) Work, work work...

Huh~~~~ I don't want to wake up =(

You won't believe it, DaChangJin's theme song "Hu Huan" actually tells a story of a famous Chinese myth!

Go to the link below and watch the Flash:
http://flash.cyol.com/product/05121802324416.swf

Disclaimer: You must be able to read chinese to be able to understand the story, heh~~ And enjoy it~~~

Credits: This Flash was introduced to me by my student~~ I laughed my head off~~

I just did a pessimistic review of the money i earn out of being a teacher.

The result is a miserable one. @.@"

Look here.

Assuming i earn a gross salary of $1400/month and that in school, i take a total of 26 classes which will amount to approximately 900 students.

Using the simple calculation of gross salary over number of students taken:

$1400 / 900 = $1.56

Meaning every student pay me $1.56 every month for my attention given to them. I see them 4 times a month, that means:

$1.56 / 4 = $0.39

I am given $0.39 by every student in every lesson i teach them, which lasts an hour!

That is so pathetic! I think i would have been better off teaching group tuition which would have easily got me paid for at least $10/student/session. That is approximate 25x the amount i am getting now! =.=