"Good bye Mr Goh...Thank You Mr Goh..."

Yes, i have heard that for the last time on Thursday, my last class... my last day as a teacher... Farewell girls~~ I will miss you all~

Its a mixture of feelings, as i leave the school compound on the rainy thursday evening, it was drizzling, as though heaven is trying to weep for my departure, there was an era of sadness and lost, yet, there was a certain feel of relieve as well.

I admit i have being looking forward to this day, when i can walk out of the school telling myself that i will never have to face all this "shitz" anymore (not that i don't like my job, but there are implications that i would rather not discuss...), yet i knew all along that when the day come, i will not be as happy as i ought to be.

The day i left school, i felt like a celebrity. Yes, having taken ALL the sec1s and sec2s, i sort of knew half the school, no, it should be the other way round, half the school knew me. Everywhere i go, i bump into students that will bid my last goodbyes~~ Some of the encouragement i heard, which is heartfelt by me:

"Mr Goh, you're really leaving?"
"Don't leave us Mr Goh, you so nice.."
"Good luck to you Mr Goh~~"
"Mr Goh, will you come back and teach us?"
"Can we have your email, Mr Goh?"
"Why are you leaving!!?? =("

Seriously, i never made this up, they are all comments that i have heard before i left, and it really makes teaching so much worth it after all. Well, i thought that the satisfaction of teaching really comes in only when your're gonna leave them, or when Teacher's Day is here~~ Thats' when you feel really appreciated.

I have being bidding farewell since last friday, because i took different classes everyday for a whole week, so when i ended my last lesson, i didn't feel anything.. But there are really classes that i really enjoyed, and really miss them, classes that are so nice, you wish you could hang on to them forever, girls that makes you melt (not in the sense of love plz) when you talk to them, girls that makes you laugh, laugh along with you, look at you with innocent eyes when they knew they did something wrong, girls who shouts so loud you think the principal can hear, girls who enjoyed what i teach, girls who appreciates..

Those are the ones who made me stay on till today~~ But then, not all are so great, some are pretty lukewarm about my class and my leaving, i don't blame them, i'm not so great myself, i not GTO(Great Teacher Onizuka) you know~ I felt sad when i was not able to engage them, felt my incompetent in handling students~~ My incompetents in the stuffs i'm trying to teach as well~~

My regrets is that i wasn't able to know each one of them better, but how to when you are thrown 900 students to teach, i remember faces, but i don't recall names, unless those i paid special attention to. School really should engage more teachers, at least i could give each one more attention when i have lesser students to teach, then again, i have no more say.

I love my students, even those who didn't took a liking to my teachin style. What i told each class as a leaving statement: (Not the exact words, but something like this)

"Mr Goh is leaving the school, leaving you all soon to pursue my own dreams, i really enjoyed teaching all of you and hope you too have felt the same. Mr Goh wishes you all the best in your studies. From now on, its Mr Goh no more. You can now call me Alvin, if you happen to see me on the streets on day, please come and call me.."

Then on my last day~~ I met one group of my students (from one of my favourite class which ended days before):
Girl1:"Mr Goh, you haven't leave!?"
Me: *smilez* "Last day here~~"
Girl2:"No, its Alvin!!!"
Me: *literally laugh out loud* Yes yes, right right~~

Nice isn't it? I think most teacher will disagree with me, how can they address you by your name!? But to me, its nothing, i rather be address by name, it feels more personal, if not for school protocols that things shall not work this way. I mean yea, its kind of "respect" to address you with "Mr Something", but shouldn't respect come from the heart but not from the way you are addressed? I rather be called "Alvin" and receive the same respect from them.

A student comments that i am nice, too nice to exert a control over them. And yes, i agree totally with her, i am those totally nice teacher in school (and i feel you don't get too many of them in schools) that do not mind a lot of things, slacks, joke with them, talk cock, allow gaming, allow light snacks in the lab... Too nice till most of the time, they climbed over my head...

That's why i say although i like mingling with students, i can't be a teacher, i don't have that "wei yan" or authoritian attitude to be one.

Too many a thought for my leaving...

I shall miss all of them, hold on to my precious memory of my times as a teacher and move on~~

I don't think i will ever have a chance to teach in secondary schools again.

The sounds of "Good morning Mr Goh~~" will forever be engraved in my mind. I was a teacher after all.