I have many many thoughts that i wanted to pen down in one (this) particular entry, so this posting is going to be very long-winded, without any connections in between each particular segment!

I always wanted to post something insightful and interesting, like quote something from some interesting webbie i came across and sharing with everyone interesting websites and even write some poetry or something, but when it comes to the time when i wanted to pen it down, i usually (1)forgot (2)can't be bothered (3)totally forgot. And when i remembered, its usually at the wrong time, like when i am "pondering over the toilet seat", "sitting in the middle of a class", "travelling somewhere", then, i forgot again. Lousy memory.

Then again that's me. Being a Gemini, i guess i really love to ponder, just let my mind go wild, think about the immpossible, daydream the hours away, basically, wonder. I am a thinker, a feeler. But as much as this part of a gemini fits me, i think that the rest of me does not fit into what people define as a Gemini.

Gemini people are ingenious, quick-witted communicators, although you are often restless, easily bored and can become frustrated by things moving too slowly.

The Sun, ruler of our inner nature, is bright in Gemini. It favours writing, other forms of communication, and travel (although beware of running around in circles just for the sake of it, or because others have imposed on your good nature). Geminians are great talkers and are usually very much in demand socially, because you are so entertaining. You'd make a great talk-show host. Gemini is the life of the party. http://www.astrologycom.com/gemini.html

I am not ingenious, in fact, i think i am slow.
I am not a quick-witted communicator, hell, i don't even consider myself a good communicator! To think i am into Social Work.
Yes, i am often restless, easily bored and frustrated by things not moving! This is the only line that truely describe me.
Yes, i love to write and communicate(but i don't think i'm good at it).
I AM NOT a great talker, in fact, i sometimes choose to shut up.
I am DEFINITELY not the life of a party.

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I have being reading off many people's blog recently and i am so mesmerized, be-wildered and envious of the way some are able to portray their feelings and stuffs. Their blog are so interesting (i shall not name who, hell, some even i don't know). These are the people whom i consider good writers and i envy their ability to write. they should publish a book.

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I ripped this off from my bro, Vincent's blog, its so interesting that i can't help it. Thanks Vinz! there, he described how one of his favourite lecturer, one who teaches Programming, used a perculiar method in delivering his points.

He was suppose to teach programming algorithms, which in some cases is hard to grasp. So he uses daily example, right up to the heart of his students to explain it. See the example:

IF (It is NOT raining) THEN
{
IF (Lecture is NOT Boring) THEN (go to lecture)
ELSE
{
(Skip lecture and hang around)
}
}
ELSE {Continue Sleeping}
Woonzai

I mean, i envy teachers like him, who is able to enter into the world of their students, understand the problems from their point of views and explain to the the concepts with their understanding.

I, being a teacher, too tried to be like him. But have i failed? I am not sure, i too try to see the questions in my students point of view and tried to portray the way i deliver my lessons to be sure that they can understand.

Example, i know my students blogged a lot, visited friendsters, and simply loved youtube.com and Miniclip.com, i used them a lot when i explain Web Concepts.

But a teacher being a teacher, you will surely ask if they understand, and when they give you blank look, its frighteningly discouraging. Especially a week after a particular class. ~.~

I began to doubt my ability to teach, actually all along, i have being doubting my ability to do so.

Discouraged.

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Also from Vincent's blog, i stumble across something inspirational.

He had a link to ""The 10 Worst Presentation Habits, which i read through while i was running my class. =p

It was simply inspirational, although i already knew most of the rules, it had served to remind me of my errors in delivering lessons! And yes, the lesson that follows after i read the entry was flawless! I was absolutely conscious of my presentation and i think i have done well (for that class).

Thanks to Vincent!

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Sometimes, i really doubt my ability to become a Social Worker. No doubt the passion is there, its my calling, and i do feel and is able to feel for others, but ithink i really sucks at communicating, at conveying my message across to others.

I have being trying my best to improve, and thought that by becoming a teacher, i would be able to improve on that. No doubt, i have no quirms about speaking in front of 40 people now, but i still lagged in my ability to communicate.

So now, by my disability to communicate and my ability to speak in front of 40 strong audiences, what does that equaliates..? That i am able to make a fool of myself in front of 40 faces loh.

I don't like myself this way. Why am i so introverted? I wanted to be extrovert, pro-active, but i can't bring myself to do it. If i am not extroveted, then how can i become a good communicator? If i am not a master of communications, how can i be a good social worker? If i am not a good social worker, how can i live up to my passion? If i am not able to live up to my passion, what why am i trying so hard now?

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There was a small dispute within one of the group of my students in class this morning. I was there to witness it. It wasn't a big deal. Just one girl disagreeing with the other girls' view and the other accusing her of not contributing. I had wanted to pull them out and speak with them together to try to resolve the issue, which i think its possible. But i did not do it, why? Because i simply hold back, because i was afraid that i will not be able to handle it.

I don't know why i have such low-confidence.

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Then there was a big contrast with 2 classes today. One made me so mad, i decided to not teach anything, the other made me so happy that i could finish all i wanted to teach before the period ended. Hell, i even had time to discuss Final Fantasy with one of them. And that is enjoyable!

Another reason why i could not, should not teach. I love to communicate with students, but i hate to control them. As a teacher, you should balance both, i will drift towards crapping with them.

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Enough craps, too long, shall post again when i feel up to it. Meanwhile, i shall finally add in the links to my Pals' blogs.