heart of e soul

alvin

2007-12-05T00:34:00.001+08:00

Yay! Its me! Heeheeehee

goodbye

2007-11-28T11:38:00.000+08:00

Quote: 天下没有不散的宴席。再欢兴的聚会终就会走到分别的黎明。。。

My last day at SANA. This must be the most wonderful journey i ever have. The people were great, the environment was great, the work was great! What more can i say? Truely enjoyed my 3-months stay with them.

Look, we even had a crazy farewell gathering on our last day! (Photos not yet available). First, it was lunch at Jack's Place! I'm so surprise, i thought it was lunch with the Counselling team, but all the people whom we worked with came too... Robert, David and Jeremy from PE Team. =)

Then Jeremy got us a gift (for not turning up on time at Jack's Place!)

And when we thought all was over... They got us a card, and a farewell gift... gathered again to take more funny pictures and made us do a speech.

In the evening, my sweet MJ volunteers organise another farewell for those that were leaving. Not just us la, also a few other guys. This one, is like a gathering of youths (i consider myself youths can =p). We had pizza in the clubhouse and later had Swensens. Also, we received a nice little card from them.

Well well... It was full of nonsense at the Swensens. All the crazy mind games that i used to play back in JC/Poly.. Sigh, how great it is to remain at 17. Signs of getting old man, they were so full of energy while i think i battery flated when i got home.

Anyway, the gifts we got =) :

Happy memories to let it remain heppy memories. People asked, if this place is so great, why not stay? I say, keep it as the happiest attachment of my life. Keep it that way, and hold on to the memories forever. For i do not want what i know of SANA to be tarnished. =)

not many "western" friends...

2007-11-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

Crazy search for "western food knifes" almost makes me die laughing. And i realise one important thing, that i don't have that many friends who have families that are very much "western-influenced". That so many of them found no such knifes at the house...

Joann (colleague): "Oh... No... I don't Have..."
Pramila: "My house we don't eat western food. So don't have." (Don't eat western food also must have some what... ><)
Guoxiong: "Don't have leh."
Wenjie: "No"
Phyllis: "I'm not sure..." (Hmmm....)
Kuang Hong: "I got one." (Your goddamn house only got 1 butter knife!? ><) My house also no eat western, i found 5 such knifes. Bleah. Hahahahaha...

This 1 is the best...: Mum (She works in a foodcourt)
Me: "Mum, can you help me borrow 10 western food knifes from the western food stall? Promise will return on Mon..."
Mum: "Don't have western food stall here."
Me: (fall off chair) "... ..."

Then finally...

Vincent: "I have 6!" (Wah thank you!)

So... 5 (Vincent) + 5 (Myself), i have 10! Settle. Enough.

Phew... @.@"

countdown to the end of student life

2007-11-18T22:33:00.000+08:00

Effectively from 27 November 2007 onwards, i will resign from being called a student... to being called temporary umemployed. Yes, a job's waiting for me to start 12 December 2007. Gonna be considered my first job in the field of my studies... SOCIAL WORK.

So effectively with 9 days down to the end... I wonder... WHY DO I STILL HAVE SO MANY THINGS LEFT UNDONE! There are CASES TO CLOSE, CASES TO TRANSFER, PROGRAMME TO RUN (SUN SOMEMORE!), MEETINGS TO ATTEND, REPORTS TO WRITE!!!! Reports... There is 2 school reports for the placement, 1 bloody thesis draft, and Mr K (he is my current ED) have to throw me a bomb by making me write him another bloody report for the programme... I'm not your bloody staff okie! (okok... must thank him for treating us like one, got privilege 1)

Then there is placement sharing on Fri, and i need to bring grand-daddy to hospital in the morning. Wah, 24-hrs not enough leh. Some kind of ending to my so-called student's life eh..

Anyway, i was browsing thru some JC students' blog... Those pictures... Those smiles... How i miss the real student's life... You know, those carefree moments in sec/jc times where your worst worry is the mid-term results... and the second being your dad forgot to give you pocket money. :s i miss you, can i go back to where we were before? That's my kind of student's life! The one i am going through now sux. I don't even know whether i should consider myself a student.

If there is something missing in my life now, is to go to a real uni and study.

Anyway, my placement experience had been fulfulling! Its my greatest experience so far (including poly times, i have 3 placement in total). I really want to thank all the sana staffs, my fellow colleagues, who have tolerated us for the past 3-months... putting up with our nonsenses... treating us not like students but like part of the organisation... teaching us... advising us... and most importantly for being a part of our learning journey. I think i will miss you... terribly.

2007-11-13T23:16:00.000+08:00

I made a pact to myself never to blog about unhappy stuffs.

But i just want to say that i am not happy today. With a lot of things.

Work. Family. Self.

when musics were simple

2007-11-12T19:08:00.000+08:00

when the lyrics were simple. when the songs were simple. when the singing were simple. when the mtv was simple.

Can never find such simple song, simple lyrics anymore. Wish we could turn back time and live in the past once more.

I love it.

Remembered i was a fan. Hmmmm. So link that to my age.

short, fat and ugly

2007-11-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

Was trying out new clothes at G2000 today. And i think i spent a tat too long in the fitting room... Just staring at myself.

Gosh. I'm not exactly short. Standing at 1.73m, i think i am okie height for a guy. Fat and ugly yes. Like i put on a lot of weight loh. Ever since i ORDed in '05.

I think during the army was the period when i looked my best. Coz they keep you really fit back then... Am simply too not discipline to keep my own workout schedule. I had one. Which i never kept to. Sigh...

Was talking to KH about careers. The pull and push factor of my career choice. The very same pull factor is the very same push factor for me to really go forward and take on that course of work. Fitness and IPPT. The pull factor is that the demand of the job will require me to keep adequately fit. As i am not discipline enough to keep my workout schedule, this job will forced me to keep one and keep to it! So i will become and remain lean and fit. The push factor, what if i still cannot do it. It will affect my performances and promotions and put more stress onto me to do well in something that i all along struggled with.

Gosh. I don't know.

Edited at 2310hrs:
Vincent's blog entry just contradicted what i wrote above. Well, the key idea is to not think too much. Live life as it is. And to accept myself (and how i may look). "accept things (including yourself) as what they are without being attached emotionally to the outcome".

That's it. I have my answer. In a span of 20-minutes after i put this up. Hmmm.

Irresponsible people

2007-11-11T12:44:00.000+08:00

I was on the bus journey home, sitting back and relaxing, enjoying the sceneries on my passing window. All was well... Until something stuck onto my shoes.

Chewing gum. Under my seat.

Shitz. I thought this thing was banned. Darn.

Spoil my day. The worst thing was that i did not have any tissue paper with me. And i had to "recycle" a card in my wallet that i intended to throw anyway to remove that toopid piece of gum.

Come on people. Where is the social responsiblity? No wonder chewing gum was banned. Other country laugh at us for banning it. I thought we should laugh at ourselves for having it banned. If the people do not have the little bit of courtesy to dispose of their waste into the proper channel, the leaders step in and do it their way. Social control.

Yes, you can say i talked about this because i am pissed over stepping on gums. But it does give a penny for your thoughts aren't it? It is seriously a laughable matter. Not at the ban. But the people who caused its ban.

When the citizens still had not learn social responsibility, we remove more things. One fine day, we have to travel next door to smoke our cigrattes, walk our dogs and wash our dirty undies because the dripping water dropped on our heads too often when we walked under the blocks.

Good Day

2007-11-09T23:21:00.000+08:00

Today is a good day.

3 good things happen. At work. At home. And with schoolwork. I am happy.

If only everyday can be like that. I'l be like living in heavens.

FNN - Facebook News Network

2007-11-09T11:13:00.000+08:00

Saw this from a blog i frequent (Popagandhi)

They have a point. What's with all the Werewolves, Slayers and whatever have you... And its catching up in SG.

Facebook currently ranked 8 in Top Sites Singapore
http://www.alexa.com/site/ds/top_sites?cc=SG&ts_mode=country&lang=none

Top 3 on the list are still Yahoo, Friendster and YouTube. I don't frequent Yahoo! a lot except for webmails, but Friendster and YouTube? Its an everyday affair. Out of point. Bye.

音乐爱情故事

2007-11-04T20:39:00.000+08:00

挺有趣的音乐爱情故事。虽然不是183Club的支持者，不过out of the so many音乐爱情故事 i watched, 这个还挺不错的。 ;) Enjoy!

May put up some more if i have time. The 孙燕资 one is also nice. ;)

一定要“远走高飞”

2007-10-28T15:55:00.000+08:00

时光飞逝，转眼间，12个星期的学校实习已过了7个星期。只剩下5个星期就会圆满落幕了。

5个星期！？还有好多事情没办耶！有个大project! 还有casework! 更糟糕的是，还有张荣誉论文(due 1Dec)还没动笔！可能要要求extend了。。。 :S

不过，没关系，相信船到桥头自然直，有没有那一次不是在这么tight的deadline上"交货".

开始对未来有了点期望，也对揭开自己心结走向了第一步。不告示你是哪一步。Heh!

实习之后，要等个3个多月，才能拿到成绩单耶。要再等个大半年才能参加毕业典礼，拿到正式文凭。想过啦，事业取向，没有改变，依然想成为一名高级监狱官。不过在那之前，一定要“远走高飞”！去哪里不重要，大概会是越南，廖国，柬埔寨之类的吧。去多久，也不清楚，没钱就回来咯。不过也不会太久，最多一个月吧。目的是什么呢？目的我清楚，是要寻找自我，认识自己。一个人的旅途，勤力勤为，寻找的就是一个答案。

不去想象会发生什么事，该来的，总是会来的。不知会有怎样的经历，不过，我相信，在那旅程之后，我一定能够为自己找到一个满意的答复。

不过，在飞去之前，当然要先赚旅费啦， 有谁要请我吗！？ 哈哈哈！

desparately wanting to watch movies

2007-10-16T20:13:00.000+08:00

Calling out to friends who wants to watch 兄弟，战鼓，色戒 or Resident Evil Extinction. Please kindly contact me to arrange for a time.

Thank you.

Shout out: aaaaahhhhhhhhhh.... "@.@

another accomplished day

2007-10-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

although i spent half my time at the airport surfing net, still manage to get work done! heh. so another productive day.

came back home and got somemore work done. heh.

learning to take some of Vincent's advise, take it easy. Don't give yourself too much stress, and you can accomplished more than when you are focused on wanting to get things done.

As the saying goes "Slow and steady wins the race!"

taking kuang hong's word for it too, it does not matter how much work is done as long as there is work done.

Wanted to put up a picture of how we(he) was lazing around in the afternoon at the airport. but i too am lazy to get the picture, its in my HP, 2m away. =p

accomplished day

2007-10-14T00:13:00.000+08:00

Haven't felt like such an accomplished day for quite a long time!

I did 3 things today! Visited 2 ex-colleagues' house for Hari Raya, catch up a lot with all of them and had a super-duper-whooper nice and light-hearted chat with my bestest sec brother.

The feeling is just, well nice. I can't find a better word to describe how i feel.

House visit number 1: Yati house.

Although i didn't manage to talk to her a lot as there were many guests in her house, it sure was nice seeing her again. And also 2 other ex-colleagues. Managed to talk a bit with both.

Yati was my "mentor" who taught me my work in TTSH. And i appreciate all that she had taught and shared with me, all the talking, complaining and the lunches as well. Although things did not always went right, and there were the ups and downs, the fact that she invited and i went to her house on her new year day showed that's a all well that ends well.

House visit number 2: Hamzah house.

Hamzah is another ex-colleague i came to know at SCS. It is the second time i visit his place for Hari Raya. The first being while we were colleagues and the whole bunch of us stomped his place. Today, the bunch is dispersed, leaving only me and him that met up.

It's nice to catch up with him, there was so much missing since we last spoken. Ultimately, it is nice to be remembered and invited, although we seldom were in contact for a while.

Light-hearted chat with Vincent: MosBurger, J8.

Later met up with Vincent over at Bishan J8.

Sidetrack: I basically travelled North, East, South, West then Central today. ><

Vincent seemed so much happier than the last time i saw him. He too went through some ups and downs and i'm just glad that he made it through all by himself and emerge victory. Having went through ups and downs myself recently, i guess seeing him makes me feel so much more the better.

We talked quite a lot (i think). And he shared with me his enlightenment on the things he had been studying, pondering and practicing - Way of the Tao. I probably didn't really understood half of what Tao is, but as he shares, it dawns upon me, how i too would like to subscribe to the thinking of Tao.

As far as i could understand and appreciate, learn to take things easy and take things as it happens. Be happy. Its difficult to put down into words. But it sorts of put you at peace with the world. Like nothing can hurt you.

Anyway, before anyone gets confused over Tao. It is not praying to Dua Bek Gong, Lok Chiam See and Syeow Kim Zua. A serious misconception. Tao is basically a philosophy for life. How it ended up as the Syeow Kim Zua thing, i also like to know.

So i left MosBurger, with a lighter heart. My brother is no saint. Its just so that i could link his thoughts and experiences to myself, especially after so much pent up emotions that it felt kinda of good to be able to let go a bit. =)

looking ahead

2007-10-13T11:20:00.000+08:00

i think its time to start looking forward into the future and not dwell on the past!

hari raya morning

2007-10-13T11:08:00.000+08:00

I think my body is already accustomed to waking up early. My plan was to sleep until 10am in the morning, but i had to wake up at 6.30am and can't sleep.

Its really okie, coz i quite like waking in the morning without the worry that i need to go to work. And so i listened to the radio, surfed some net and toyed around a little with my favourite HP.

And its nice to wake early, went for breakfast with mum and dad and got some personal stuffs done (like paying the bills...). So, now i am home and slacking. THIS IS LIFE.

Anyway, i think i am turning into a Malay. I got 2 house visit for Hari Raya to attend... >.<" CNY also like that. Looking forward to Malay foods! Love Malay food =) And seeing friends that i have not seen for a while.

(oh! i haven't buy gifts for them! sigh...)

not angry, juz disappointed

2007-10-10T23:46:00.000+08:00

I dedicate this entry to the person who came closest to opening my heart.

I always thought you know me best. I shared with you things that i don't share with any one else. I always thought you understand. But i thought wrong.

Admittedly, after that day, i was upset. I truly am.

Now, i am just disapointed. To find out that you actually never did understood. That you too place your judgement upon others. And in the end, the person who hurts me most is you. Your words hurt. It's a kind of hurt that will not be healed easily.

Interestingly, i still read what you wrote. I still find out what is going on in your life. And it hurts me deeper. Sometimes, i wish i was him. I wish i was the one who had disappear, maybe then, the person who left a place in your heart would be me. A place. Did i have one? Whatever happened to the last five years? It feels like i am a close friend who had mistakenly stepped over the line.

I thought i wanted to be cruel, and walk out of your life, like him. But you were very upset over his leaving already. And i did not want you to feel that kind of hurt, whether or not my leaving will cause you any hurt.

Knowing you, this will anger you and hurt you too. And you will probably not speak to me as well. It's your choice. My disappointment has hit rock bottom till i won't feel a thing whatever you say. I will still appear if you need me, but my heart is shutted.

i am upset

2007-10-08T00:55:00.000+08:00

i am upset.

tommorrow is the solemnisation date for my cousin's wedding. my family is invited to witness the ceremony, which will take place in the evening. my mother asked for day-off to attend the ceremony, but was turned down by her boss, given the reason: not enough manpower.

its not like she requested for it last minute, she put up the request at least a week ago. NBCB la her boss. i sincerely wished her boss would meet with an accident and die or something.

and this is not the first, it happened many times. too many times till i don't even want to waste my breathe mentioning.

had been urging her to change job for the longest time i can remember, yet nothing is going into her head. i can understand why she held on dearly to the job. which pains me. deeply. we need the money.

i am not rich. i have not start earning. my mum/dad's income is only sufficient to maintain the family. any disturbance to the equilibrium, we are a goner. for example, a lost of job.

do you see the point? if you have been following my blog, you would know that i pursued a social work degree, but is not planning a career as a social worker. coz a social worker earns peanuts (currently). i would love to do the job, if i live in my own world. but i need a decent paycheck. so that my parents will not have to work so hard. so that i can provide them with a decent monthly allowance and that they can reduce work hours. and yes, i plan to get marry. even though i don't have a girlfriend yet. all this needs money.

i respect john. john is an aspiring social worker, a friend and a fellow coursemate. john is 33 this year, and he is getting married (Congrates!!). y do i respect him? coz he was able to survive on a paycheck of less than 2k for the longest period, doing what he believed is his calling. now that he is planning on marriage, he said to me that he now needs to plan his finances carefully, he wants kids, yes i understand. he (and his soon-to-be wife) will need to tread carefully, calculate and plan whatever is necessary for the future. to them, adequate comfort is enough.

in reality, i don't want to be like him. i want to be prepared. i want the best for my kids and my wife, because i understand what it means to have nothing. and something out of nothing.

my kids don't have to live in luxury. i don't want them to either. they must experience a little hardship. to appreciate life. but what i do want for them, is to live in a little above decent place, experience a little above decent life and lived a little above what his father had been through.

and yes, money and a little above decent paycheck is necessary.

My W580i

2007-10-08T00:44:00.001+08:00

Heh, i can't help but put up a picture of my new W580i! I'm loving it!

Its the fruit of my labour, from my month-long hardwork at TTSH while juggling classes, thesis, tuition and a load of crappy assignments. All which materialized into this tiny W580i.

Its definitely a small appreciation for myself, for the hard work i had put in. You won't believe how excited and touched i was when i received this phone. After 2-years of using the sturdy Nokia6100, i finally have a Camera/Mp3-walkman/video/fm radio phone that comes along with many tiny but wonderful features to call my own. Probably, no one will understand how grateful i am, and how proud i am of my W580i. =)

You can say anything about my phone! Whatever you say, my phone rocks!

i walk alone

2007-10-07T14:32:00.000+08:00

yes i walk alone. no, no one can understand me. not even you.

6years ago, maybe more, i am not sure already. My (ex)girlfriend said to me: "Why do you not share your problems with me?" 6years later, it seems that i still have not open my heart out to many, yet. Maybe... Only her... But she does not know everything either. She knows the most, but not everything.

It took her an entire 5-years, to have me talking. And it never happened again after that. Here and there, i exposed part of my hearts to people whom i thought can understand. Here and there. I trialed, i errored. Is there such a person as a soulmate? Is there really someone out there, whom i can share my life with, talk to without being judged? Understands and accept? Who would like to try? Who would even care to??

I don't deny it, i don't share (a lot). You probably need more then screwdrivers and spanners to open me. You need electronic drill systems, a durable pair of helmet/goggles and bring some dynamics along too. Most importantly, bring patience and a heart full of perseverance and sincerity. I am easily touched.

I saw, from a friend's friendster of a recent breakup. The friend has since got a new girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend even posted words of encouragement for him, to move on and be happy with his new girl. Such wonderful girl, strong words of encouragement, hiding behind her own tears and struggles. Of course, its what i perceived. Whether or not there is really tears and struggles, i am not sure, but girls being girls, they probably feel for the guy.

I am always sadden by break-ups, especially of those known to me. And always brighten by new relationships, coz its the beginning of something new, and magical. So i sincerely wished my friend for the best in this new beginning and his ex a speedy recovery.

光辉岁月 - Beyond

2007-09-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

钟声响起归家的讯号
在他生命里
彷佛带点唏嘘
黑色肌肤给他的意义
是一生奉献肤色斗争中
* 年月把拥有变做失去
疲倦的双眼带著期望
# 今天只有残留的躯壳
迎接光辉岁月
风雨中抱紧自由
一生经过□徨的挣扎
自信可改变未来
问谁又能做到
可否不分肤色的界线
愿这土地里
不分你我高低
缤纷色彩显出的美丽
是因它没有
分开每种色彩

Meaningful songs that talks about Nelson Mandela's fight in race inequality in South Africa. Song's quite old school, but Beyond rocks! Although i don't know much of their songs.

2007-09-26T22:53:00.000+08:00

It seems that i don't feel exceptionally happy nowadays.

Or was i ever happy for as long as i could remember?

It seems that i have forgotten how to smile. The laughter that's shared among friends seems only for the spur of the moment. Like the high of the heroin effect. That wields off almost as quickly as it had taken effect. And that leaves you craving for more. But you know, at the end of it all. That the high will never fill the emptiness in the heart.

I don't know. There is nothing in my life that should make me sad right now. Yet, there is also nothing in my life that i should be exceptionally happy about.

Probably, the only thing that i could be happy about, is that finally after 2.5years of struggles for my studies, i can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel... That is if my train don't buang right the moment before it exits its tunnel. Rest asure people, that Alvin IS NOT going to touch anymore books! Not at least in the next 5-years.

The lazy bug sets in

2007-09-20T12:24:00.000+08:00

Yes yes, the lazy bug is in. Haven't been diligent with updates for a while. Going to find excuses for myself. Just started work! Tuition commitment! Thesis paper commitment! Loads of excuses.

Bleah

I'l be back! Soon. I hope

Long long journey

2007-09-06T16:23:00.000+08:00

(Click "play" then read this entry...)

In July 2005, i began to embark on a journey, a jouney that would impact and change my life, and allowing me to step into, touch and change more lifes. I took up the course in Social Work.

It began my 2years of self-discovery. What went through was not just the professional knowledges, there were discovery of strengths and weaknesses, of values and ethics, and most importantly, of knowing oneself.

It was a big risk. Even at the point when i was to put down my signature on the acceptance letter, i was still questioning myself. "Is this what i want?" "Will i regret my decision?" It seems to me that i have grown, from the day i stepped into the classroom, until today.

I remember, on my first day of class, my tutor, Kumar, asked the class "Why do you want to be a social worker?" I was unsure, i remember giving a vague answer, something like "Passion...". Today, if you asked me, i would have matured enough to tell you more than "Passion", its the belief in the "Worth of mankind" and its the "wanting, to be able to touch lives" that brought me here. If i am able to just impact one life, one soul, to live for the better, i would have succeeded.

I must truly be thankful, that although i have my ups and downs throughout my journey, i have not looked back upon and say that i would have chosen another path, for this is what i want and will do.

2 enduring years of night classes, and finally, we are nearing the end. What's left for me would be the 3-months long placement and the thesis paper. The modules, the theories are all done with, finished. So, theortically, i should be qualified as a social worker. I now looked back, and i asked myself "What have i learned that will be useful in my future work?" "Am i ready?" "Did Monash got me ready for what's to come?" I'm not sure. It seems that Monash prepared me for what to expect, and the basics of being a qualified SW, but it just seems that there are tonnes of knowledge out there that i am unsure of, how then can i be truly qualified?

I must be glad, again, that throughout my 2years, i discover, grown to like, the area that i truly want to explore into after graduations. Its amazing, working with youths was where i started from, from then, i moved on, to working with youth offenders, the belief in their capacity for change, and then discovering the niche area where i want to be proficient at, REHABILITATIONS.

Yes, Prisons work.

Although, after 2years of going through a Social Work course, i decided at the end of it that i shall not termed myself as a social worker, i am a social worker by training and i will continue to use my knowledges and skills to impact change (in my own way), to uphold social work ethics. And to contribute back to the field that made me what i am today.

People might say, if i am not to become a social worker, isn't that a waste of my education? No. How many social work trained people are not termed social worker? Are POs social worker? CPOs? Social Policy Offr? Indirect workers? Community workers? Rehab Offr? No, there are not termed social workers, but their social work backgrounds enable them to understand and function well within their fields. And i believe, by heart, they are still social workers, working with the marginalised lot and impacting change in society, in their own way.

It been a long long journey, of self-discovery, of pathing out a road unknown, of falling down and getting up, of pursuing what the hearts tell me to, of knowing so many great people along the way and while the educational road is ending, the real path has not. It has just began.

my friend made me run 8km today!

2007-09-04T20:04:00.000+08:00

My beloved friend (phui! hahaha) made me run 8km today. 8km loh!!!! How long have i not run 8km? My god, i haven't even been running for like the past 2months!

After our run, we even went to play basketball! Total workout today.

I think he can be a PTI loh, while running, he keeps saying things like "Come on come, we can do it one..."

>.<"

"Shack liao la!!!"

Anyway, must say thanks to him, if not for him, i wouldn't have pushed myself so hard today. Thanks HC! (Although i think he never come in here la)

I like the feeling of after-runs, its like you can really breath again! You feel very fresh and your mind becomes very clear! =)

But i believe, tommorrow, i will wake up with aching legs, calf, biceps, triceps, stomach, chest, whatever you can think of la, its going to be pain pain pain! @.@"

Okie, now i am just going to take a long nice shower and... start doing assignment!!

Colorgenics

2007-09-02T17:23:00.000+08:00

Was browsing through Hanz's blog and spotted this personality test. Quite like to do personality tests, maybe coz i still seek to explore and understand who i am. Anyway. The test is pretty interesting, go do it sometimes. Reflects me pretty well too.

Tests' called Colorgenics. Uses some colours that you choose in the order of your preferences to determine your personality.

The results of mine as follows (shall highlight the parts that i think particularly applies):

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care (YES, very much). It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding (YES, i seek others approval a lot). You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

In actual fact you are not willing to exert yourself in any way. You have that truly 'laid back' attitude and are unwilling to extend yourself or exert undue effort. You feel that to move forward - be it in your life style or in business relationships - would require more energy output than you are prepared to give at this time. (YES, i am a very lazy person by nature =p) You want to take life easy and your attitude is such that 'Enough is Enough'.

You feel that you deserve far more than is being attributed to you, but there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. (Yea loh...) Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness (YES! Don't leave me alone!) and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone (In line with my plans to travel alone ;)).

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. (Is this about my research? If yes... YES!) You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. (Hmm... This one don't appy lah, i don't feel unvalued, at least not now.) So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

I think i should say, yes, reflects me SUPER well. I should highlight those that i think don't apply instead, i realised.

Heh.

Fly... $50... Fly...

2007-08-26T19:11:00.000+08:00

Woohoo... I bought the "History of Singapore" DVD (the one shown on Discovery channel) as well as MayDay's JUMP! 离开地球表面 CD. Total $50!

No regrets! Been wanting to get both anyway! After watching parts of the DVD in class, i''ve been wanting to watch all of it! And the MayDay CD, it's MayDay leh, of course must get! ;)

That's not the end! When the 881 DVD comes out, i will also get it. Fly... more money... Fly... That's alright, i will get this show, coz its getting it for mum and dad, who have no time to watch at the cinema. They will like it one.

a nice and cute song from MayDay!

2007-08-26T15:15:00.000+08:00

I was just looking through my friendster pics when i realise that i don't have many clothes to wear! I seemed to have been caught on camera in the same clothes for a lot of times... without me realising... I need to shop soon.

Anyway, here's a song that i really liked. Listen to it when you're in a darker mood. It helps. Coz its sweet. ;)

不能说的秘密

2007-08-26T13:40:00.000+08:00

有个不能说的秘密。。。 Shhhhhh。。。 =X

看了Jay的"Secret", 心中起了种甜甜，单纯的感觉。它这故事，不就是一个简简单单，平平凡凡，却柔中带着一滴不可思议的爱情故事? 每段Love Story都不应该是这样的吗？

我的小雨她在哪里？她有在找我吗？

其实，这故事廷让我想起古天乐和刘若英那部“生日快乐”，也是一段甜甜的爱情故事。不过“生日快乐”好像就没有那么一个完美的结局。。。

讨厌被拒绝的感觉

2007-08-25T11:56:00.000+08:00

讨厌被拒绝的感觉。不管是被家人，朋友，或喜欢的人，都特别不喜欢。

因为讨厌，而不敢尝试。
因为讨厌，而没勇气尝试。
因为讨厌，而都把心里话，放心里。

与其说讨厌，不如说害怕。害怕被拒绝，害怕它所带来的空虚，寂寞，和现实。

不原知道真相，不敢知道答案，害怕知道答案之后的结果，所以选择把话藏心。不管对谁都是一样。

这就是我，没有勇气的我，没有安全感的我。

朋友阿，不要让我被感拒绝，被感寂寞，好吗？我害怕，我讨厌。

untitled

2007-08-23T22:36:00.000+08:00

Maslow's Hierarchy of needs and me

2007-08-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

I was reading through some theories today and one of them was on the Maslow's Hierarchy of needs theory.

Maslow argued that there are 5-levels of needs, namely Physiological, Safety, Love/Belongness, Esteem and Self-actualisation. The most basic of needs must be met in order to move up the levels to achieve self-actualisation, which is the acceptance of oneself and to achieve "Nirvana" in a sense.

And then, i tried the theory on myself to assess which level i am at. I figured, no problem with physiological, all basic needs like food, water, shelter are met. Next, safety. No treat to current level of safety, met.

Next, Love/Belongness/Social needs. The need to feel belonged to a social group, thus refraining from loneliness, social anxiety and depression. There are so many "social groups" that i can relate to, my closer groups of friends, my buddies, my social work classmates, my colleagues, my family... They all give me a different sense of belongness, some a lot more, some lesser. So met? Yes and no. Not an easy answer.. Towards some groups, the sense of belongness remains, whenever it is. Towards another, the feeling exist when we see each other, towards yet another, you just don't feel that you are one of them. At times, feelings of loneliness can be overwhelming, yet at times the feeling of happiness can be overwhelming too. Basically, i'm a person who need to feel "loved" and "needed". Grey area.

Esteem. 1 huge problemful area. I am no confident a person. Have been told a number of times that i appeared very confident, the fact is, i appear confident. Maslow states that a person who achieved his esteem needs accepts himself and feels a sense of contribution towards the activities he engages in. There are 2 levels and i reckon i belonged to the lower level where a person needs to be constantly re-assured by the others on their achievements.

So, i am stuck at the Esteem level. The level before self-actualisation. And rest assure, that i am finding my way up the level, one day, i will achieve self-actualisation. =)

881

2007-08-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

881 ya! Yo ah yo!

I finally watched this show on Saturday, with a "willing" confidante who only had a vague idea of what the show was about (but still willing to watch with me unlike the so many others that i asked that have no response, not free or not interested to watch). He left applauding the show, and i left very much satisfied with my $9.50 well-spent. Thanks KH.

For those who haven't watched it, i recommend you to go catch it. Now. 881 is a part musical, part theatrical story that revolves around 2-sisters pursuing the passion of becoming getai singers, delivered in Hokkien singings and chinese dialogues. The local version of Moulin Rogue, Perhaps love and High School Musical.

This must be the most beautiful show i have watched for a very long time! I wonder how many people actually will support local productions... Support LOCAL PRODUCTIONS! They don't suck okie! I personally think that we locals have a lot of talent, left un-spotted for a very long time. Roystan Tan is one such local talent. I admire his courage, passion and his eye for spotting and making films that touches the heart of Singaporean and portray us the way we are.

Make more films and touch more hearts!

teardrops on my guitar

2007-08-19T14:28:00.000+08:00

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so (s)he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be

...e day you went away...

2007-08-19T13:42:00.000+08:00

...and we were letting go of something special... something we'll never have again, i know, i guess i really really know...

...Well hey... So much i need to say. Been lonely since the day, the day you went away... So sad but true, for me there's only you, been crying since the day, the day you went away...

e face behind the smiles

2007-08-15T22:53:00.000+08:00

Do you think you are the only one with problems? I just hide mine in the deepest corner of my age-old closet. One where even i myself do not open and peer into.

watever...

2007-08-14T00:19:00.000+08:00

i think...

people who i work FOR thinks i'm dumb

people who i work WITH thinks i'm bright

drained... tired... exhausted... f* need a break... Work, attending classes, teaching tuition, doing assignments, preparing thesis paper... NO JOKE.

3more weeks to end of work. 4more weeks to end of class! Kempatei ne!

stop

2007-08-03T00:27:00.001+08:00

Actually have a lot of feelings these days... But no mood, or energy to write... at all.

Maybe... maybe... I will stop writing?

Russell Peters (Somebody gonna get hurt)

2007-07-16T12:52:00.000+08:00

Russell Peters talked about white's parenting skills and how other culture's skills are better.

Vincent introduce this guy's video to me. He's a funny guy la! There's not many people whom i think can call themselves comedian, and i think he is definitely one of them! It definitely not easy, coz its hard to sell laughter, and well, he succeeded. I just don't like the way he make fun of cultures (sometimes) la, but he's alright i suppose.

Watch it, and laugh your head off.. Coz... "Somebody's gonna get hurt real bad..."

Its been almost a week since i came back, and so far, it had been crazy! Items and events everyday, school started. There are still so many stuffs i haven't settled yet! Feeling lazy to upload the photos i took (i haven't even sort them out yet!) Sigh... I'l do it soon. Heh.

at the Grand Canyon

2007-07-01T15:26:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! Am in the middle of the desert now! And with Internet access! Yay!

Want any idea where i am exactly? Heh.

The location: Fredonia(Juniper Lodge), a town near the Grand Canyon. Its like a desert town in fact. Facilities are okie though, for an inn in the middle of the desert!

Spent the day at the Grand Canyon today, at the North Rim. There is no other words to describe the Grand Canyon accept the word MAGNIFICENT. Its simply great. You have to experience it for yourself.

The ride up the mountain was extremely curvy and tight, i was driving, and yes, i love it! The feeling when we reach the top, indescribable. Here's a peek: (Magnificent isn't it)

This picture is taken at Cape Royale, on North Rim. Right where i'm seating, its a 8000feet plurge down. Heh.

Setting off!

2007-06-25T04:28:00.000+08:00

Time now: 4.30AM SG Time.
Location: Terminal 1, Changi Airport
Flight Time: 6AM

Finally, it's time. SF. I'm on my way!

Still got a little time. Shall sit down and try to source for some food!

(Had a little interesting encounter with security officers - and the questions they had to ask. Heh.)

Right. Shall update when i have the chance in SF.

Alvin signing off.

KH Sunday trip

2007-06-20T01:38:00.000+08:00

Haven't been writing much recently... Reason being, i'm just being lazy. Heh. Not that there were a lot to write about recently!

Anyway, so... From popular demand (KH's demand) Here's a little happening for Sunday. Sunday is Exploring day. Let me just check the places we attempted that day:

(1) China Square Sunday Flea Market
(2) Some hills (i think its called Liang Siang Hill forget liao) in the CBD area
(3) Beautiful shophouses amidst the monstrous CBD buildings
(4) Red dot Museum
(5) Fort Canning tunnel and the National Museum

China Square's flea market is only opened on Sunday and featured a number of collectibles and antiques. There were basically old toys, models and figurines on sale and one could not be more mesmerized to walk down memory lane when you see your favourite cartoon character on sales. Smurfs, he-man, care bear whatever you can think off. Wasn't very interested in models, so didn't get anything. Thought i wouldn't be spending any money there, but still did... I bought a book! At a very very VERY (must put big big) reasonable price of $9! New book okie!

I asked the owner how he managed to sell them at such unbeatable prices compared to 50% more at Kinos, and he told us that he got them direct from warehouses that's why. Well, you'll be sure i'll be checking out his store when i want books before heading out to major bookstores. Too bad, he only have selected titles.

After China Square, we sort of out headed out to see some shophouses. Must be boring without pictures, so here's one:

(Postcard quality eh? Hahaha)

Beautiful shophouses amidst tall gigantic buildings. You can find all sorts of nice places like bars, spas and huey kuans!? Hmm... Exotic places for the rich and famous i reckon? No chance of me walking in there in the foreseeable future.

We somehow then ended up at the Red Dot Museum (and saw a sleeping security guard). And then we saw this interesting signboard:

At night, we actually went into the National Musuem. The new one is nice compared to the old and eerie one. There were nice cafes, pubs in it. (And swinging celing lights) We were wondering whether we could visit the exhibitions for free, and decided that our motto for the day is "Just push only". So we did, and yes, its free! Visited a couple of exhibitions and had fun with some "artistic imprints".

(Now, i confirm i am not artistic...)

ichiban sushi

2007-06-12T01:15:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! My last birthday celebration for 2007 at Ichiban Sushi on 11 June! Thank you Guoxiong, Senchou and Aldo for the treat!

Hahahah! Well, just some pictures for remembrance!

altivo bar

2007-06-10T16:26:00.000+08:00

Finally! I have pictures to upload!

Went to Altivo bar on Mount Faber last evening with my buddy Jieming and his girlfriend, Steph! A beautiful place, with very nice ambient, musics, live bands, and near perfect sceneries overlooking Sentosa and the sea. A very nice chill out place.

Will upload more photos of the place after Jieming send me those on HIS camera. Heh.

Compassion for life?

2007-06-09T09:50:00.000+08:00

That's it, i cannot be a chicken farmer, pig farmer or any farmer that requires me to slaughter the animals that i rear.

I brought home about 8 of the fresh fishes i caught yesterday, all promptly prepared by my Aunt's domestic helper. As i carried it home, i already knew that i wasn't going to be eating them... I felt a stint of sadness for the fishes i carried in my hands. There were alive a few hours ago and now lay flat in my plastic bags waiting to be served on my dinner table.

Sure, it was great fun trying to catch them, and it gave me a sense of achievement too, when caught. The fishes were just plain hungry, and so they eat and got caught. They didn't want to get caught, they just want to eat.

One of them lied on my dining table this morning, mum had prepared them, although it was "disfigured" beyond my recognition, i still knew it was one of the fishes i brought home the day before, thus i could not bear to eat it.

I figured, i would eat fishes, chickens, porks that are bought from the market. Those which i have not "met" while they were alive... But i can't bear to eat anything that was alive a few hours/minutes ago and finally ended up on my dinner table.

It simply disgust me. Some more of these, i might turn vegetarian.

Compassion for life?

(Still i would like to go fishing! I will catch and throw them back into the water loh!)

fish farm and water plants nursery off Neo Tiew Road

2007-06-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

Can you believe it? I went fishing today! At yet another exotic location just slightly off the borders of Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve.

The place, a privately run fish farm, water plant nursery and a big pond toppled off with beautiful sceneries, wild cats, wonderfully lively dogs and plenty of fishes!

The place seems to be off limits to the public, but when you have the right connections, different, heh. My Aunt. She has a fair share in the farm and brought me there today. The day started with me and her bringing my grandpa to the hospital for routine checkup, while the hospital-trip ended, she asked me if i would like to go fishing. Fishing? I have not fished for like donkey years, but i was free and i was very interested in the places that she said.

Aunt was an avid traveller when she was younger, an explorer she said.

So off i go with her, sitting in her Mercedes C-Class, together with her personal helper and loaded with pails, fishing lines, prawns and breads and headed off towards the far end of Kranji. Sceneries were beautiful along the way, the Kranji Reservoir has two views, one of scenic Johor Bahru and the other of sunny Singapore. The air smell of old kampong fresh air and the roads were narrow. We passed through a couple of established fish farm, got stuck at a one-way traffic light and finally reached the old fish farm which greeted us with an almost 60degree slope that i had only ever encountered on a military landrover. Well, her european car has no problem with that.

The farm was quite a run-down place on first look, but treasures always beholds run-down places. And you just have to look. Our first encounter was with "Scooby Doo". I was wondering who was Scooby Doo when my Aunt told me that well, its a very friendly dog. Friendly dog. Cool, i love friendly dog. Okie, so i went to meet Scooby Doo, MY GOD, she is such a HUGE dog! Frankly, its the BIGGEST dog i ever come into contact with, a beautiful dog though! And definitely very friendly, i love it! She had a companion, a much much smaller dog and equally affectionate! She jumps at us when we approach and keep running around us! She is just so adorable lah, i almost wanted to beg the owner for me to bring her home. All-in-all, i counted 7 dogs, of which one looked really cute but is REALLY fierce! (That one was locked up)

Then, there were cats too... and kittens! Oh my god, this is paradise!

After our little episode with the doggies (and kitties), we finally head off to the pond! The water was half-dried up (a lil disappointing) but the fishes were not! There were plenty! And fishing there definitely made a person feel accomplished. It was almost easy to catch them. First, throw some breads into the water to lure the school of fishes, load your lines with prawn baits, throw em in, and wait. I did not have to wait more then 1 minute before i got my first catch! (A pretty small fish which i forgot its name though...), but i soon got pretty smooth at it! This was also the first time i tried to remove hooks from the fishes' mouth (If you have not done so before, live fishes are EXTREMELY slimy, they splattered a lot and leave dirty green substances on your hands).

I think we caught over 20 fishes in total (and threw back countless smaller ones). We got tired after an hour or so (or maybe the fishes got tired of us), so we stopped. I asked Aunt to show me around the farm. The owners were breeding many unfamiliar water plants, fishes and crickets. Yes, crickets, they breed and sell crickets. I didn't know crickets can be so expensive.

There was a kid who i think is the owner's grandchild, he fished with us and talk a lot with me. It was all great fun!

Oh, i forgot to mention the toilet! I asked the kid to show me the toilet. He brought me to a covered up area and I looked at him blankly, "Toilet la, i want to go..." Then he said, yea, this is the one. ... ... It was just a hole, a 0.5m-by-0.5m hole filled with water and god knows how deep! Wow... That was very interesting, and new. And so i used it, i peed into it, thinking how cool it was, peeing into a hole in the ground. Haha yea.

It was pretty soon time for us to leave. I have memorized the way to get to this farm and i sure hope the owner can remember me as the nephew of their co-owner. Coz I'm coming back, to see Scooby Doo, little-miss-affectionate, kitties (okie they would have grown up), the boy, the two old owners, and of course to catch more fishes!

(Darn, i FORGOT to bring camera this time! If not there will be beautiful pictures!)

I really have a lot of respect for my this Aunt, not only is she an established woman in her career, had a wonderful family, she is also very nice to me in many many ways. Hereby so, i would like to extend a little tribute to her (even though i know she will never read this and i don't intend for her to. Heh). Sometimes, i really envy my cousins very much.

birthday celebrations 2007

2007-06-06T14:07:00.000+08:00

Okie, i'm officially 24! And officially 1 step closer to being called "Uncle!".

The past fews days has being a myriad of going out, catching up, ~~spending money~~, and well, birthday celebrations. (Still i don't have photos to upload =( )

Thank you ALL for remembering my birthday! Thanks to ALL for your SMS wishes! And thank you ALL for the gifts thus far! (More are welcome!)

Okie, a little updates about what's going on over the past few days:

Saturday
Birthday celebration with Jiaqi, NianNian, ~~Guoxiong~~, ~~Liling~~, ~~Stella~~ at KBox Marina! According to Nian2, Saturday is "Fly-aeroplane day", both Liling and Stella cannot make it at the last minute, Jiaqi was late and Nian's friend cancelled out on her last minute for the MayDay concert. I could have gone with her if not for my meeting with my Honours supervisor, luckily she manage to find someone else to go with later.

Nevertheless, the 3-person ktv was still very good, and everyone gets to sing to their heart's content! I especially had fun with the 小鬼/卓文宣 song "爱的主旋律", initially wanted to sing with Nian, but after a while, she found that she wasn't sure of the song, so i song for both 小鬼 and 卓文宣， and it was hilarious! Heh.

Later, Nian and i had LJS, while Jiaqi pangsei us to go "meet other people". And something really annoying happened there, shall not talk about it since this is suppose to be a happy entry. I had a good chat with my supervisor, and that was a good gift too =) So i went home a happy man, just in time to catch my weekend Taiwan Variety show. Heh.

Sunday
Met up with Ying Ying and had dinner at AMK Hub. Some japanese eatery that we both found okie. Thanks to Ying for the Namecard holder! I did mentioned that i liked it very much, didn't know you actually remembered...! Now i got the same namecard holder that i gave to my placement supervisor!

Probably the most memorable thing that happened that day was the "Amazing Race" at the AMK Hub simply looking for a photocopying shop! I needed to make copies of test papers for my tuition student, and the whole freaking AMK did not have one! So we spent about 30minutes running around just to find one -which luckily we finally did! The ktv was unplanned, but it sure was entertaining too! Heh.

Monday
A planned meet-up, an unplanned celebration! Met up with Hwee Ping (and later KC). Initially the plan was to catch a movie, but the schedule wasn't right, so i ended up shopping with her for shoes. She wanted to watch Blades of glory (No offence, but i'm not interested in male ice skaters in tights -on which i only realised when i saw the poster at the theatre! So, lucky no tickets! Hah)

Oh, i learned something new that day. When a lady buys shoes, is "Does it look comfortable", not "Does it feels comfortable". -Lesson courtesy of HP. She kept asking me that, on which i later ask "Aren't you suppose to feel comfortable rather than look comfortable in it?", on which her reply "Ladies buy shoes that way." Okie.... ... So the reply is "Yea, it looks comfortable. ;)"

We "conned" KC to join us after his first day at placement and had dinner at Central Cafe! Ate instant noodle! (Hey noodle was good okie!) That was my birthday treat! Thank you! Really had an enjoyable day!

(I forgot to take pictures!)

Hwee Ping: I'm actually quite "touched" by what you said on your blog, thanks! =) Have an enjoyable placement and just don't stress yourself out okie! Talk to me if you don't feel good, don't just keep everything to yourselves okie! Since you're working nearby, we can easily meet up le loh ;)

Tuesday - My actual Birthday!
The morning was pretty much relaxed. I woke up only at around 10, bum around a little and decided to go for a run! (Yes a run! I have not run for months since i injured my leg, so i decided to try today and YES i can run!)

I ran to Sengkang, via Buangkok MRT, passed Jieming's place, along SBSTransit headquater and ended up at Gerald Drive (some private estates in Jalan Kayu area). It was a short run i think, but i was pretty tired after i reached there, so i walked all the way home, passed Lor BuangKok again and back! Its cool! To run in the afternoon sun, although i resisted the idea initially. I just regretted not bringing any money and ended up looking desparately for a toilet just to drink water!

Later, the plan was to go collect my new Specs at Causeway Point (Yes, the Specs is my birthday gift to myself, heh! And i love it! - Thanks to Jiaqi and Guoxiong for helping me to choose!). But Nanyang Optical was very funny, i called at 10 to ask if my specs were ready, they told me have to wait for 2-3 more days, but later called at 2pm to tell me its ready. Hmmm... So i went to collect it anyway, since i plan to anyway.

After that, immediately headed down to Bedok to meet Kuanghong, had dinner and we promptly headed down to Selegie for Rochor Beancurd! Thanks to Kuanghong for (1) having the craving for tao huey (2) being so understanding and willing to accomodate me coz i'm meeting other friends in town (3) the Levi's "belt-hook" whatever you called it! Its now on my new bag as well, until i have enough keys to hang it around my waist, haha!

My last "event", movie Shrek3 with Jieming and Steph! Movie was darn funny, short though, but funny! I just love how they put all the fairy tales people together and make them do nonsensical things! Like Puss-in-Boots becoming a "cute-little-poor-kitty-by-the-window". Hahaha. Thanks to the both of you who are "willing" to sacrifice your after-work hours to spend my special day with me! I'm really happy!

Thats it! Thanks all for making my birthday 2007 so much so enjoyable than i thought! I had not plan on any "big-time" celebration or anything, but all these are enough to make me a happy boy (man)!

One more, the last one, coming up on Mon. See you guys then!

smooching

2007-06-06T13:58:00.000+08:00

Was browsing through some old photos when i found this:

Doesn't it look like there were "smooching" =p

kekeke.

For the confidentiality of the people in the picture, i shall not reveal names! =p

Lorong Buangkok

2007-06-04T01:01:00.000+08:00

It was the spur of the moment. The weather was great, and i have nothing to do. I decided to take my bike outside and do some exploration!

Lorong Buangkok. Was where i was headed to.

Lorong Buangkok is the last surviving kampong in Singapore. Amongst the metropolitan cityscape of the urban Singapore, Lor Buangkok remains as serene and peaceful as it was years ago before urbanisation. There, you don't find traffic lights or high-rise buildings nor can you find Giordano and NTUC.

I believe Lor Buangkok is a preserved piece of land by the URA and will remain as a village even tough urbanisation may take place in its surrounding.

Cycling along the dirt track, what amazed me was the simplicity of their dwelling area. Low-level houses, probably built by the dwellers themselves, simple wooden chairs and tables, nice gardens and the surrounding air of peacefulness. Please don't start thinking that these rural dwellers are poor people rejected by the nations. They are far from that. The houses have got electricity (from the buzz of the television i can hear), adequate sanitary while some of the houses i came across even had a car (a fairly new one too that started with a SG_ carplate) parked beside it.

It is a good mix of kampong lifestyle with an urban touch. Chickens run around some of the houses and wild dogs clobbered the streets while Kids Central were showing on TV. Its amazing that there is such an exotic place remaining in Singapore, and so near my home somemore.

On the way back, I then stumbled upon this hill that overlooked Sengkang, the SBStransit headquater and IMH. The place was amazing, its cool, undisturbed and most importantly, i "discovered" it. (Yes i know people have been there, but i have not mah!) Spending about close to 20minutes there, i decided to head back, since i really needed a drink and i wanted to explore a little of IMH.

I'm really glad that i took this little "roadtrip" today and i will do it again soon! It seems that, if we looked a little harder, there are always some surprises that surrounds us. So start looking!

Kbox

2007-06-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it, i went to KTV twice over the weekend. One was planned, the other was not. (Now i feel so broke...) But there were many new songs, i like! =)

KBox (AMK) did a really dumb thing to their toilet. Remember this new local movie that's coming up, called "鬼阿！鬼阿！"? Kbox allowed them to push their marketing campaign to their toilets by putting up ghostly posters in the toilet...

Once i closed the door to my cubicle, i am faced with a lady ghost poster offering me toilet papers... I mean, its meant to be a gimmit, but i'm really not sure if i would have enjoyed my toilet routine better while facing a lady in white offering me cleaning equipments for my butt...

And it dosen't help when she's also there to bid me farewell while i was exiting the toilet. Can KBox remove those posters please?

(The music playing now is a song i "discovered" while at KTV, i like it! Its by Linda and a Korean Singer JunJin - Forever!)

poly... down memory lane

2007-05-31T14:41:00.000+08:00

By far the ONLY decent picture we took last night. The rest were all like random pictures, largely taken by our beloved Karen, who was trying enthusiastically to try out my Olympus FE190.

Thank you Lim Wei and Meng Qing for enthusiastically organising this little gathering. (Although i don't know if they do read this...) It was a great meet-up, nevertheless, and i certainly had fun catching up with everyone! Though it was quite a short one, and many either came late or had to leave early.

The funny thing was that, the stipulated meeting time was at 7pm and i was told by Lim Wei that he started receiving calls and SMSes since the early afternoon from people stating that they will be late and in the end, everyone started pouring in only after 7.30pm, haha.

Sigh, its always nice to meet up with old friends. Seeing them brings back good old memories. And seeing how everyone has changed reminds me of how we all have "matured" since the days we were all 18. Some differences were evident, while others not so much. Many has grown prettier (and handsome), many except me! I think grew fat loh. =( (Refer picture above, think i must post a picture comparing me previously and now, can see the differences).

Well, some things never change. Like Elaine still being at home at 7.30pm when we were suppose to meet at 7pm! Like she ordering the wrong food and claimed "AHH, i ordered wrong... =(." when the food came. Like Karen's love for foods, like Guoming's talks about cars and gadgets, like the so many more that i can't put into words! Like how these things gives you the warm in your heart that though times may have change and we may have added a couple of white hairs along the way, some things still remains as it were, when we were 18.

...running away...

2007-05-29T12:52:00.000+08:00

I wanna just go away to New Zealand and be a farmer.

When a long-time "not-so-close" friend calls out of a sudden

2007-05-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

When is it that an old-time "not-so-close" friend will call you up all of a sudden? One, you owe him $2 back in school and he wants it back. Two, he has something to sell.

A cordial friend called me up out of the blue earlier today. I have known this friend since secondary school, and we used to play basketball together. We weren't exceptionally close then, so as soon as the basketball gang "dismembered", we were no longer in contact.

So, indeed i was surprised when he called. Truly, one should be very happy when an old friend called you up, it goes to show that you are not forgotten. Then again, how many times does that truly happen? And it didn't take long for me to understand the "real" reason behind the call. He is selling something.

Its not the first time, a few months back, i received the same call, from another friend who is also into this "business. I have no quirms about what they do, in their business, this is one of the ways for those who just started to gain "customers", gain "experiences" and most importantly, to widen their network circle. And it is really important to start with friends.

Usually, when i meet up with them, i never take it as an intent for them to "sell" me something (they probably can't anyway, I'll probably end up as their debtors if i do), instead, i truly take it as a chance to see them again and catch up. Anyway, its good to keep in contact with them, they network with a variety of people from all walks of life, you will never know when you may need their help, and we all know that social networking is about as important as having a job (see, i'm evil too).

I truly wonder, how a "wealthless", "broke" and "almost-cannot-survive-on-his-own" student like me have got any wealth at all for them to even start with. Sorry pals, i appreciate your efforts, but i 心有余，而力不足, all i can offer is a chance for you to catch up with me, and probably a chance for you to practice your eloquency with people.

Must there be a motive behind everything a person do? Hasn't friends who have not met each other for a long long time called up each other for the sole purpose of catching up? I can't complain much, because i for one is such a culprit who does not call up old friends just "to chat". Are we really that busy? Are we really that superficial? Is "chasing the dream" so important? Or is friendship worth so little in the society we live in today?

Enough talks about friends who come to you with a motive, i shouldn't misunderstood their genuine care about people around them and their beliefs in their products to benefit us. I probably just aren't "fortunate" enough to benefit from it yet. I just hope that the next call i receive from a "long-lost friend" is out of the genuine interest in my life.

That said, i must truly end this entry with a tribute to the closest around me! You know who you are (if you regard yourself as close to me, then you're in => ). I'm truly blessed to have you around me!

Thank you for always being there, through the ups and downs, through my never-ending whines about life, thank you for the time spent, the laughter, the sadness, the tears, the late-nights... Thank you all for just listening in and most importantly, for allowing me to enter into your life, just like you how you had entered mine.

I will not forget you. 知心朋友不需要多，有你们几个就够了。在此献上这首五月天的“垃圾车（朋友版）”，献给所有我知心的朋友.

Anything!!!

2007-05-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

I heart this ad... Funny shitz! Anything la!!!

Guy gave him $$$... toothbrush... chupa chups... his slippers... and even... toilet papers... He ask for anything mah...

Cannot buy this drink in kopitiam...

Kopi Uncle: Boy... Lim si mi?
Me: Ah... Anything.
Kopi Uncle: Bo Anything la. Kin, ai si mi?
Me: ...Ah... like that ah... Gimme Whatever.
Kopi Uncle: KNN, Che da ji ah!!! &^%^%*^^%

Heh.

Looking for the recent M1 commercial also. The IDD call to India that one... Haha, that one also funny. "Butter Chicken...! Parcel...!". The commercial really reminds me of Ms Lim. She's off to Hong Kong already, and she DID a really smart thing before flying. She IDDed a well-known HK restaurant to make reservation while in Singapore. I wondered if the waiter took her seriously... Hahaha, would find out when she comes back!

Must clarify that she did it out of goodwill, they're (Nian & Qi) suppose to treat Nian's relative in HK (whom i think are the ones who provided us with accomodation when we were there in '05). In order to assure a good place in this restaurant, she have to reserve what. Hope she gets it. =)

i'm bored

2007-05-18T13:13:00.000+08:00

I'm bored. Please bear with this lame post again. Some friends posted this on Friendster, so i decided to do this since i'm bored.

- Don’t change your 6 featured friends!
- Fill the people in below!
- Answer the questions truthfully!

1) Jieming
2) Jiaqi
3) Vincent
4) Senchou
5) Hwee Ping
6) Wenjie

(Haha, i never change, these are really the featured friends on my friendster. Would have includes GX, if you had a friendster acc... Heh.)

1. Have you ever danced with number 1?
Hell No!!

2. How long do u know number 6?
Wow... I guess close to 10years! (Gosh... So long le ah)

3. Have you ever gotten drunk with number 4?
Hahahaha... He clubs a lot... But no i don't think so...

4. Has 2 been to your house?
Umpteen times

5. Has number 3 ever seen you naked?
YESH!! Hahahaha (OMG...)

6. Have you ever gone shopping with 2?
Umpteen times again! Although i would like to point that she ABSOLUTELY hates to go shopping with me... hor? I sit in every single shop with the "Can we go now?" look. =p

7. Have you ever seen 5 in a swimsuit?
Hahahaha! No. But i wouldn't mind, heh. =p

8. Have you ever met 1's family?
YES! I know them! Quite well i should say, hor? ;) So cool~!

9. Does 4 know your surname?
He better.

10. Have you ever eaten anything in front of 2?
Duh...

11. Do you trust number 1?
YES! (Think i better say yes to this one...)

13. Have you ever fought with number 5?
Em... She gets annoyed very easily, but i'm a nice guy leh, so no. ;)

14. When's the last time you talked to 3 in person?
Wow... June 2006! (He's in US la, but i'm going to talk to him in persons soon =D)

15. Are any of your top 6 your family?
No.

17. Have you ever done something dangerous in sch with number 6?
Not that i can remember la

18. Have you ever slept in the same bed with 3?
Loads of times! Hahahahaha

19. Do you think 5 and 6 would make a good couple?
5's bf and 6's gf would kill me if i say yes...

20. Would 3 do anything for you?
He claims he does, so he better. Hahahaha

21. Has 2 ever helped you out?
Loads of times =)

22. Have you ever slept with number 1?
Hahahahahaha!!! YESH! We slept side-by-side for almost 2years! Esp the "romantic times" in Taiwan! Hor? =p

23. Which have you known the longest?
4. Senchou. More than 10years liao...

24. Who have you known the shortest?
Hwee Ping. think about 1+ years...

25. Has anyone in your top 6 seen you cry?
Yea... Probably "2".

26. Have you had a crush on 1 - 6?
Crush? Yes! "2" loh! Hahahaha... If not no history to talk about le mah ;)

27. Have you ever done anything illegal with number 2?
Hmmm.....

28. Will 1 - 6 repost this?
probably not... they're not as boring as i am.

so lame! yet so funny!

2007-05-12T17:33:00.000+08:00

(okie, watch one time can liao. I tried watching twice, this is my face: >.< )

Spidey3

2007-05-12T11:06:00.000+08:00

Caught Spidey3 at The Cathay yesterday night with Jieming!

(Side-track: Wow, the carpark at The Cathay really puts driving skills learned in the circuits to the test, so small, so tight and so many walls!)

Spidey3 was really a great show to catch. Despite the whole world telling me how nice it was and despite the fact that it is in its 3rd sequel running. Because, usually, when everybody tells me how very nice a show is, it raises my expectation, and i usually ended up disappointed. A good example was The Matrix a few years back, i could never forget the disappointment after watching, and i attribute them to superhigh expectation. I probably would think the show is good if no one had set my expectation in the first place, thus i just had to go in without one.

Frankly, i never enjoyed watching Superheroes shows. X-Men, Superman, Batman, Fantastic-4, whatsoever. I usually give them a miss, unless i was "specially invited" to watch them. I always found the adaptation poor... and lame. Its always the bad guy screwing up the world and getting screwed in the end.

But i caught Spidey 1, 2 and 3. On my own accord. Hmmm.

I guess, spidey is the only superhero that i could agreed upon. (Okie, blame it on my limited knowledge of superheroes, i'm just not too familiar with them). Spidey, is more like your average boy-next-door, looking for a breakthough in life. Its a lot more easier to identify with him, he does not have some dark and sinister past, or some psychic power. He, is just someone in your chemistry class, going through the same agony any college student will face; love, friendships, family etc. And he too had to battle his own "inner demon", manifested in the form of the Venom.

To others, they may be seeing a superhero in action. But for me, i tend to see things a little deeper, why some characters behaved the way they had. I could write a thesis on it. Every character in spidey had a story to tell. Harry Osborne battled the lost of his father, friendship and love. Sandman committed crime becuase of the need to save her daughter. Eddy (the photographer) was consumed with hatred. MJ battled the need to feel love and a boyfriend who dosen't know how to express it.

I went to do a little research on the Osbourne, i wanted to know if the Osbourne had a mental disorder known as Schizophrenia, apparently, it isn't so. Norman Osborne was affected by chemicals. Even so not, it really does seems so that they were Schozophrenic, having the split personality of being themselves and the evil Green Goblin.

Interestingly, i just went through a lesson on Lost and Grief before the show, thus i was able to make connection between the two, pretty interestingly, encountering the entire grief process of Spidey over his Uncle Ben, from anger to finally acceptance.

Could write more on it, but i better go do my homework now. >.<" Besides, i'm experiencing writer's block now... can't write properly already.

Overall, spidey3 is a really good catch! No matter whether you are, or not, a spidey fan.

4.5 out of 5 popcorns! Hahah.

so angry

2007-05-12T10:41:00.000+08:00

While waiting for my buddy, Jieming, to pick me up after class yesterday night, i witnessed taxi "unethical-city" (I don't know if there's such a word, but its the best word i can think of to describe what i just saw, as a disgrace to humanity and a disgrace to Singaporean taxi drivers.)

Okie, this is what happen.

Standing about 10m away from me, was this young girl who seemed to have a little disability. I can't exactly pin-point what is wrong with her, but just from looking at her, she looked as if she had some kind of down-syndrome or "slow reactive ability", and her limbs were a little deformed as she walks with a little difficulty.

I already started to notice her ever since she was there. She was trying to flag down a cab. And then the thing was, NO CAB! I mean NO CAB chose to stop and pick her up.

I was so angry.

One cab even stopped, looked at her, then drove off. What is this? This is so unethical, so unprofessional of our taxi drivers. If i have a camera, i would have snapped down the picture of the cab and post it on STOMP.

I have no sympathy for such taxi drivers, what crap about the needs to make ends meet and what other excuses they have. If one day, the same thing were to happen to them, they deserved it. (No offences to the kind taxi drivers who go out of their ways to help their passengers!)

In the end, i stepped onto the road in front of her, flagged down a cab, and directed the cab to the young girl. That, solves the problem, the cabbie cannot reject the passenger.

超爱这图案

2007-05-11T14:43:00.000+08:00

"从现在开始, 我只为你乖, 乖乖的等你, 不管多久..."

超可爱的图片! 也许是"小女孩", 也许是"熊熊", 也许就单单那句话. I melted after seeing the picture. Heh.

很有幻想空间! (不是变态那种!!!).

这picture给人一种"甜甜", "傻傻" 的感觉. ;)

2007-05-11T14:11:00.000+08:00

born in the wrong era

2007-05-06T16:59:00.000+08:00

The world today is a small and chaotic place to live in. Globalisation makes the world tiny through the advancement of technology and people are now able to reach the United States from various parts of the world in less than 30hours, comparing to 30days a century ago.

McDonalds pop up everywhere around the world and George Bush's Congress speech could be heard in Asia at the same time it is being heard in the states. Japanese carmakers has its parts manufactured outside Japan, builds its car elsewhere and sell them back to the Japanese. Full circle.

Centuries ago, China fought their own wars for change of dynasty while the Romans stomped down the lands in search of new grounds. Today, war is fought on a global scale while countries continued its never-ending struggle for freedom and rights.

Chaotic. I am born in the wrong era. I just like my life simple.

In the light of today's crazy and competitive world, can we still hold on to each other's hand and happily stroll down a street without a worry in the world? Are we still able to watch the sunset while sipping ice-tea? Do we enjoy the soft splaterring of raindrops falling on our heads? Do you ever sit down with a cup of hot coffee and watch the rain out of your bedroom window?

My answers to the above questions is yes. Yes we can.

It is simply a matter of what one wants out of life. The world is growing. The rich are getting richer. The pursue for material wealth never ends. When do people get to do the things that they want to do? When do people have the courage to do so?

I admired people who are able to stand up for themselves and tell people that this is what i want. And they do it. It is a matter of courage. Gandhi did what he could for his people, Mother Theresa, Sun Yat Sen... and so many more. More recently, i saw on television a Singaporean who travelled to Africa to run a local orphanage. To give up a comfortable life Singapore and living in a village where dangers lurked around at night and basic amenities is sacred, is a tall order. That is couragous. I don't think i will ever have the courage of doing that. Not that i do not dare to explore and live on my own in a faraway country, but because there are so many things that i will not be able to leave behind.

If i were born, say in the Marco Polo era, i think i would have done the same thing he did, explore the world, maybe not to the extend of opening up new searoutes, but at the very least, i could broaden my own horizons, experience a different life and also, to find my purpose in life.

AHHHH, 6pm already!! I wish i could write some more, and write better... But i got other stuffs urgently needed to complete. Maybe i'l update this story. Later...

宁睡

2007-05-05T12:46:00.000+08:00

deep shitz

2007-05-04T12:27:00.000+08:00

think i'm in deep shitz.

feeling shity...

so many things to do! Can't even have a good break in June... I wonder if i could enjoy myself in San Franc come June/July at this rate...

sigh

幸福的感觉

2007-05-03T12:28:00.000+08:00

今早刚教完补习，离开学生家之后，就接到Mum的来电，说家里买了午饭，记得回来吃！连接之后，老爸也拨了通电话给我，告示我同样的东西。

一瞬间，感到了家的温暖！

原来幸福是那么简单的。幸福，就是家里有午饭，而爸妈都提醒你记得回来吃。

可能，对于那些天天一回到家就有香喷喷的晚餐等着你的你门而言，这好似没什么大不了的，对我呢，这是一种关怀的表示，一种幸福的感觉。

你和我有同样的感觉吗？

现在，我希望在阅读着的你，走出你房门，或拿起你的电话，对你爸妈说声“谢谢，这几年，辛苦你了！” 毕竟，那香喷喷的饭，也是经过了一番努力之后，才能到你口中。

Appreciate what you have, no matter how little it may seems.

伟上

My weekend

2007-04-30T02:03:00.000+08:00

200Pounds Beauty was a pretty good show, now i really like the track sang by the female lead herself.

Maria - Kim Ah Joong. Its playing now...

Friday's late-night shopping was crapped, not that shops weren't open, just that to us, its more like late-night supper! Hahaha... Anyway, it was nice, finally the 3 of us have the chance to supper together! We've like what, talked about it for months?

Saturday was pretty fun, although everything didn't happened as plan, it pretty much worked out very well. The agent who was suppose to bring me to my new tuition kid's place called me 20minutes before the meeting time telling me that she's sick and i should travel there on my own. Fine, i can live with that. But she had to give me the kid's address only 10minutes before i'm due to be at their place. Hmm... Okie lah, it wasn't difficult to find, luckily.

Then was suppose to meet Jiaqi at Dhoby Gault, ended up she had her work's programme running at Kovan, so we met at Kovan instead and headed to PS together. Had Ichiban Sushi, not bad, then watched the show, then headed to Vivo to shop, as planned.

I spotted this really nice sling bag in Vivo, this shop called Zinc, but i didn't buy it, coz i'm VERY short of cash... Jiaqi offered to buy, but i said no. She is suppose to get me the W850i, so she MUST NOT get me the sling bag now. Right!? Heeheee... Kekeke... =p (Yeayea, i know i know, part sponsor mah @.@")

She got this really wierd sponge thingy instead... Can make into whatever shape you want and is said to be able to help destress you. Hmm... Probably coz it took your mind off the things you are troubling about. ;)

We wanted to have a proper dinner, but ended up eating some Korean snack and went home. Was so shacked that i slept so well, and didn't wanna wake up this morning.

Today was pretty alright. I was suppose to get some work done, as usual, i didn't do it... Hahahah. Went to the temple with mum to baibai my grandmother in the morning, then came back to MobTV. Heehee. Jieming was suppose to jio me to go blading, but never confirmed the timing with me until like 2hours before meeting me! But i'm used to him le la, so i can almost estimate when he will call me. ;)

Blading was... well... not as i expected. I didn't enjoyed it as much that i thought i would have... maybe... its because i'm out of touch for it... Haven't been blading for like 2-weeks. Well, at least we had some nice chocolate fondues at a food centre (!!???)

Okie, thats it, my weekend.

Signed,
Alvin

indulging in self-whoring

2007-04-30T01:55:00.000+08:00

Oh well, not many people to take pictures with nowadays, and also, some pictures taken are best left unposted! So i shall indulge in some self-whoring. Don't mind right?

If yes, please ignore entry... Hahahaha! ;)

Activities coming up for me!

2007-04-27T13:41:00.000+08:00

Friday
7pm - 9pm: Lessons! (Interesting topic)
9pm - Late: Late-night Shopping

Saturday
12.30pm - 2.30pm: Tuition (Finally)
4.30pm ~ : Watching 200Pounds Beauty; Dinner; Don't know what else.

Sunday
Blading with Jieming (Though not confirm timing)

Monday
~~Blading with John (and maybe some companies as well... Timing not confirm either)~~

Wah siao liao! So many activities~! And i still have:

Ethnic Policy Essay; 18May; 2250words
Video Roleplay + Critics; 25May; 1000words
Analysis of Community Project; 25May; 3500words!!!
Programme Evaluation Essay; 27May; 2250words
Health Essay; 30May; 2000words
Research Proposal; 7June; 4500words!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention that the Ethics application may bounce back and i will have to redo it if it does. And i have not set up the online survey for the research. And i have not contact the schools if i could get their students to do the survey. And i worry of no-response, and i worry of not getting the right response... Ahhhhhhh~!

And i have not prepared anything for the SFO trip. And i have not buy travel insurance. And i have not change USD. And i did not even discuss the detailed itinerary with Vincent and left it to him to decide (*evil me*).

And i am blogging. Hmm.......

(Sidetrack: Should i get a haircut???)

drifting through depression... then happiness.. then..

2007-04-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

Yupz, that's whats happening to me. I cant't really figure out why's that too. Sometimes i wake up feeling really happy, the next i'm having a damn headache. One moment i though i'm gonna fall sick, the next moment i'm well.

Strange...

Must be the weather (Yea, blame it all on the weather!! Hahaha)

Seriously i can't explain it. If i'm a woman, i'l blame it on PMS, but i'm not! Must be some distress i'm facing now. Probably school work (yea, enough to crush me...), mum (fell sick recently =( ), money ($$$$$) and companies...

Okie, i'l need to go figure them out now. Byebye.

Meanwhile, the song you hear now is the main soundtrack of Freedom Writers. Whats the name? i think its called "A Dream".

(PS. Do you notice, when i'm writing in Chinese, that means i am very EMO! Haha)

try this??

2007-04-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence and post it.
4. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

I stumbled upon this while browsing a friend's blog. Thought this was "fun" and decided to do it too. =>

Apparently, the closest book to me now happens to be my favourite book now, so i didn't have to go dig for it or something.

The sentence says:
"The word "cat" in my perspective would be spelt "tac", and i could not tell the difference." -Freedom Writers Diary by The Freedom Writers and Erin Gruwell

I guess no one really understands what the above sentence means, it is basically one of the lines in the diary of these youths who called themselves the freedom writers. This particular one has got a certain learning disability, thus the sentence "cat" spelt as "tac" and not thinking its wrong. This book is about how a real teacher motivates her students to use writing as a platform to voice their thoughts and feelings, when society (and themselves) thinks that they will never have been able to make it.

So how about you, what does your book says? =>

KTV, movie and the farewell

2007-04-22T18:10:00.000+08:00

KTV!? 唱不爽!! KLunch is like so short! 11am-2pm only! But so very cheap! Paid only like 12bucks each. I think KBox is really genius to charge "per head" for its service, coz KTV is usually a "many people event". They can easily fit 6 people in a small room with only 1 console system; the results, half of them can't get to sing and the other half who sang still thinks that they haven't had their share of fun!

So to the company, the more people come, the merrier!

BUT WE STILL LOVE KBOX lah!

After that i went to watch Wild Hogs! Movie recommended if you need a no-brainer show to destress! Its super funny! No regrets watching it. Go watch some of the clips on YouTube!

"In life, sometimes you just need to slap the bull" Slap the bull!!?? You have to watch the show.

A friend is going back to her country, aient coming back no more... I'm really happy for her that she can finally leave, knowing the kind of things she had to endure here. I'm also really happy for her that her boyfriend is leaving with her and that they have plans to reside in the states after that.

So, i'm happy for another reason too, if i ever visit the states again, i knew who to look for. =p Goodbye Susan!! (not that she will see this...)

Hey, this now brings me back to reality... Susan is the first of my friend to leave SG for good. Maybe not the last.. This really reminds me that... 粘粘 too might be leaving... 粘粘 is a close friend whom we knew for like what, 6-years already! She's graduating this year... and might really... well... leave for good too...

I can take Susan's leaving. But 粘粘... Things are going to be different after she left too... especially to someone...

粘粘! 不要走!!

失去后才懂得珍惜

2007-04-22T16:12:00.000+08:00

曾经有一段美好的感情摆放在我的面前，可是我没有好好珍惜。

不过人好像都是这样，拥有着，却不懂珍惜，失去以后，才发现已遗失的美好。

可是，如果没有失去，又这么会懂得珍惜呢？如果我没失去一段曾经拥有的感情，我想我怎么也学不懂去珍惜与爱惜另一个人。

我想，我总该对我的“失去”致谢。因为没有她，我更不可能懂得如何去珍惜下一个她。

"我始终带着你爱的微笑
一路上寻找我遗失的美好"

每个人都会在另一个人的生命里扮演着不同的角色，他可能是你最疼惜的人，最疼惜你的人，或只是个经过你生命旅途的人。别人，在你生活里，扮演着什么角色？你，又在别人的生命旅程中为他添上了什么色彩？

你又想在谁的生活里，扮演着怎样的角色呢？

在失去后我学会了珍惜，也好期待我下一个最疼惜的人的出现，好让自己实习一下所领悟到的珍惜。

到达目标,是另一个旅程的开始

2007-04-20T11:03:00.000+08:00

昨天有幸和朋友谈起了"达成目标".

朋友说: "不记得自己当初到底是为了什么而奋斗了, 不知道自己以后要达成的是什么.."

我说: "你的愿望不就是想做你现在在做的事吗?"

朋友说: "好像是, 不过现在在做了, 就不知道要怎样了..."

我说: "一个目标, 愿望的达成, 便是另一个旅程的开始."

你不这样认为吗? 人因梦想而伟大, 人朝着梦想前进, 为了梦想而奋斗, 达到了, 又怎样?
到达了,就没有梦了吗? 那不是很可悲吗?
所以, 一个梦想, 目标的到达, 便是另一个旅程的开始.

举例说, 我现在的目标便是完成学业, 我朝着目标前进, 可以看到终点了. 当我拿到文凭后, 是不是就没有目标, 没有愿望了呢? 不. 对我来说, 那便是一个新旅程, 一条新的路等着我去把它扑好. 我期待着未来, 向往着以后, 尽管将来的路不一定好走, 我也会笑着走下去.

我的梦想简单, 却也不容易实现.

这是我的旅程. 我的梦.

"明明" 很爱你

2007-04-20T10:32:00.000+08:00

Inside joke: (只有莫个人会明白,哈哈哈)

"明明"很爱你
"明明"想靠近
但是你的身边有人捧花总是拥挤
我凭什么一一打败情敌
敢大声说要做你的唯一

不记得为什么"他"被称为"明明"了, 不过ktv那天我一定会唱! 我们一起唱okie!!??

明明!!!!

最初的梦想

2007-04-19T01:42:00.000+08:00

最初的梦想紧握在手上
最想要去的地方
怎么能在半路就返航
最初的梦想绝对会到达
实现了真的渴望
才能够算到过了天堂

最初的梦想 - 范玮琪

每当一个人杖得很辛苦时，都会想起为了什么而奋斗到今天，就因这个坚持，所以我不会放弃。我可以看到终点了，你呢？

你最初的梦想是什么？你达成了吗？

2007-04-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

世间上，有谁懂我？
谁能深入我心？

世间上，我又懂谁？
谁又能让我走入她心？

2007-04-17T18:40:00.000+08:00

someone in my life told me that i've grown.

have i?

i merely became harden by the facets of life. and i built a wall around myself.

to protect myself. from being hurt. from being misunderstood. from being heard.

i live in my own little hermit hole. who wants to save me?

at times i hate my life. at times i felt if not for it, i wouldn't be what i am today. a harden soul.

my essay homework question

2007-04-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

Health Stream
(4)Is there a relation between poverty and health? If so, how are they related? What contribution can social work make to the issue of poverty and health?

My answer:
Yes. More poverty, less health. Nothing.

Oh shitz! I need to do better than that! I need to choke up 750words! Help... ...

Hahahaha... Okie, i go chiong now! Byebye!

2007-03-31T00:16:00.000+08:00

My aim for this weekend:

Complete Health Take-Home Exam (Total 1500words)
Complete Social Work management essay (Total 2250words)

Fat hope~~~~~ Hahahahah!

I've been reading this book on child abuse by Dave Pelzer. Although i'm sort of reading it backwards... No choice, not every library got the book as its always on loan. I've finished his third book "The man named Dave" in a few short days, and was lucky to find his second book today at Bedok library, "The lost boy". Will source for his first book soon! The classic "The child called it". These are true stories, an autobiography (its called that right...?) But its so saddening, how he grew up, how hard he fought as a child, i really don't want to imagine the stuffs he went through.

If it was me in his situation, i think i would have "returned to meet my makers" already...!

Although i was never abused as a child, i thought i could feel his pain, that i could see why he reacted the way he did, how he was able to forgive his mother, no matter how badly she had treated him as a child... There are certain values that he holds that is similar to mine and certain personality in him that i think i am that way too.

Yes, i'm going back to the book now. Bye! (Been talking a lot about the books i've been reading recently... Wow, i have become a bookworm! Haha, leisure reading is great! Better than my horrendous school readings...!)

Squirrel

2007-03-29T12:18:00.000+08:00

Imagine.

A squirrel out on a big oak tree. It peers timidly out of its small little cozy treehole, out into the forest beneath. It figured another fellow squirrel out on the tall branch, calling out to it to join him.

The squirrel scans its surrounding carefully and climbs out slowly, up the thick trunk of the tree towards its friend.

Suddenly, a thunder sounded, and it quickly scurried back into the safe custody of its cozy treehole.

Thats me.

I am a student, not the convectional kind

2007-03-27T10:53:00.000+08:00

Yea, i know i have chosen to follow this path, to return to full student life. I have not regretted it. Never.

It is just kind of funny, what student's life meant to me, and to others. People envied me for being able to become a student once again. I've never once doubt their envy, coz i've been through what they have, and working life is not exactly fun.

I am a student. But not the normal kind.

A student attends classes in the day, hangs out with friends after that, discuss projects, tutorials and exams together, gossip about that hot bod or cool dude, receives allowance from dad and works part-time at the local bookstore.

I, on the other hand, attends classes at night, most of my schoolmates are working in the day, thus i don't have people to hang out with or study with me, i don't receive allowance from my parents and i'm not working part-time either.

So, i don't feel like the conventional student. Sometimes, i really wished i studied in SIM instead, i may not feel so lonely and lack of support.

But still, the conclusion is that, i don't feel like what a student should feel. And people (especially those around me) kept misunderstanding that, since you study only at night, why can't you do something in the day (work)? Its not as simple as you think okie!? All the work, readings and assignments and no one to share. (I guess its difficult when those who probably share your burdens are your schoolmates and to most of them, school is secondary to them while they have other commitment like work and family). And somehow, to those who were fulltime students like me (i can count 3 others only!), we somehow don't have the culture to want to do work together, probably due to the nature of our coursework, which is pretty individual...

I am a misunderstood soul.

But its okie, i'm usually fine after a little whining and complaining.

Okie, now for some happy news! My trip to San Francisco is confirmed! 25 June to 13 July! Woohoo~! I so look forward to it! See you Vincent brother!

To a dear friend

2007-03-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

To a dear friend whom i have "fly kite" today...,

I am sorry. I WAS stuck at the fair, but i also admitted that i used the fair as an excuse for not turning up. I don't mind playing badminton (or basketball), but the after-event activity was what made me think twice.

I still have my reservations. I hope you understand. I've always listened to you talk about your mother, you loved her, as much as i love mine. You will never hurt her, as much as i will never hurt mine too.

Read: http://heartofesoul.blogspot.com/2007/03/religious-thoughts.html And you will understand.

I hope not, because of this, that it will jeapordize our friendship, ever. =>

Dream Cars

2007-03-23T22:17:00.000+08:00

I was just pondering over this question a friend ask me last night. She asked "Alvin, what's your dream car?"

Dream car? Lamborghini? Ferrari? Aston Martin? Well, I'l just leave them in the dreams... Frankly, i don't really have what people envisioned as dream car, i'm just a very practical person who will probably tell you that i'm very much satisfied with just a Mitsubishi Lancer (not the evo okie!).

But I LOVE DRIVING!

And that particularly puzzled people. Usually, people who loves driving, will love cars, and have tonnes of knowledge about engines, spoilers, bumpers, and what have you, but me, i have trouble differentiating between engine oil and petrol...

So why do i adooooree driving so much? I ask myself, and i got the answer. I like to be in control, i need to be in control, and driving gives me control. I decide where i want to go, when i want to go, how i want to go. Of course, i never disregard traffic rules lah.

But don't get me wrong. I'm not a control freak who likes to decide for others how they should run their lives. I just like to be able to be in control of what i do. And i get that satisfaction from driving.

So that sums it. I love driving.

mixture of words

2007-03-23T00:47:00.000+08:00

Life's pretty much stagnant... Its like wake up... do readings... eat... do assignments... go class... sleep... REPEAT.

Yup, i have a lot on my mind to do, like:
(1) I plan to learn Sports Climbing
(2) I want to rollerblade
(3) I wanna complete my 2B-license (but i decide i will continue only in July)

The IT training company that i interviewed for as freelance trainer has not yet got back to me... Do they think i'm not good enough for them? Sigh... Seriously, its like the ONLY thing that i want to do now for some income...

I probably won't take up any part-time job as of now, coz i'm too pre-occupied with that damn thesis, for which i still haven't started to pen anything yet..

Maybe...Maybe... after July then i shall seriously look for some jobs... But then, Sep is the start of Block2 placement... Sigh... How?? I probably do tuitioning, but as of now... THESIS!!

Yea! I received a piece of good news from the school yesterday, and i was VERY EXCITED about it! Can't wait to tell Vincent about it! (of which i already did ;) ) My semester 2 is going to be starting only in mid-July! And Sem1 ends 7Jun! So to speak, i have 5-weeks of break, and i can go to San Francisco (this is the first time i spelt the city name correctly, haha! =p) anytime between Mid-Jun to Mid-July! And yes, tickets are waayyyyy cheaper end June than during June holidays! So, now i'l just wait for Vincent to confirm with me whether he wants me to switch with his girlfriend for me to come earlier.

So now its either 13June-26June or 25June-9July! Yea!

Oh! By a stroke of luck, i finally found this famous classical piece that i was trying so hard to locate! (i'm not a classical-music follower you see!) Its this famous piece (i heard it before, so it has to be famous!!) that was incorporated into the song 好朋友 by 罗志祥， and i have been bugging those i knew frantically for the title of this beautful piece. (I was just basically short of humming the tune to HMV's staffs to find out..)

Anyway, i've found it. Canon in D Major - Johann Pachelbel.

Oh, i'm now pretty slow on the Neil Humphreys's last book... Maybe... maybe coz i didn't want it to end. The last book talks about his final tour of Singapore, and his pilgrimage to the many places that were so not well-known to many Singaporean! Frankly, i think the Singapore Tourism Board should consider using his book as the official guide to the little red dot.

I think i'm going to do something people considered stupid, i am going to make a note of the places he visited, and someday, i will go and see it for myself. I feel a tart little ashamed that i learned more about the history of Singapore through a lanky english journalist who grew up in London rather than from Mr Tan (read: my history teacher).

Neil taught me to look at things beyond the surface and to be critical. He visited a place and his interest would be why the place was the way it was (its history). I visited Sentosa and say "Ok, cool place, so where's the beach?".

(hey, i am making free publicity again... hmm...)

Anyway, i quite like his book, his is a much of a cross-cultural work, a local flavour through an english perspective.

Ok! I am soooo looking forward to a brand new day tommorrow! My schedule? Refer line 1 (sigh...) But saturday's gonna be good =)

Just some rambles

2007-03-17T18:22:00.000+08:00

I haven't made a proper update for a week! Okie... Here goes!

NUS charged me $42 for an ASSESS ONLY card... No borrowing privilege. And they gave me a pathetic piece of blue chic as THE Membership card. Couldn't they like at least give me a plastic card or something.. It would have made my day if they could give me a more decent card. =.="

Well, what to do, when they have half the Singapore's better collections of books, journals, rare materials and goodies to which you can't find in NLB and my school's library. I do need NUS library.

And its a pretty cool place to study, more like a treasure cove. And now, i finally can walk in holding my head high (since i have the assess card remember?) and not sniff around like a rat or thieve not wanting to get caught.

Anyway, school work is starting to kill me recently, i figured i have lots to do, lots to read, lots to catch up on and lots to get my ass cracking. (Cheee, then why am i blogging here... Hmmm...)

And kinda so many thing to attend to these days. Vincent send me a promotion from NWA stating that it cost ONLY $899 to fly from SIN to SFO! After checking it out, i couldn't find any link AT ALL that leads to the named promotion! Upon checking with Vincent, he said his check came up to $2800+ while his girlfriend's check amounted to $3000+. What the ^*%^$*??

Okie... The looks of the number of books stacked on my study table is shocking, and definitely a turn off... I go get my ass cracked now. Bye.

专属天使 - a beautiful song

2007-03-17T17:46:00.000+08:00

我不会怪你　对我的伪装
I will not blame you for your disguise
　天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
Angels in the mortal world should conceal their wings
　人们愚蠢鲁莽　而你纤细善良
Human beings are foolish and impertinent, but you're nicety and kind-hearted
　怎能让你为了我被碰伤
How could I ever watch you get hurt because of me?

　小小的手掌　厚厚的温暖
Those small palms of yours provide me abundance of warmth
　你总能平复我不安的夜晚
You're always there to calm me during periods of restless night
　不敢想的梦想　透过你的眼光
I've given up my dream/aspiration But through your vision,　
我才看见它原来在前方
I'm able to see a glimpse of hope again

＊没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
Nobody is going to take you away from me
　你是我的专属天使　为我能独占
You're my solely my angel only I belong to you
　
＃没有谁能取代你在我心上
Nobody is gonna replace you in my heart
　拥有一个专属天使　我哪里还需要别的愿望
I've no more desires as I'm contented having a solely angel by my side.

　小小的手掌　大大的力量
Your're palms are small but strong
　我一定也会像你一样飞翔
I will definitely soar high together with you
　你想去的地方　就是我的方向
My destination will be wherever you wish to go to
　有我保护笑容尽管灿烂
I will be here to shield you from any danger, thus, do maintain your brilliant smile

　要不是你出现　我一定还在沉睡
Should you not appear in my life, I would still be deep in my sleep
　绝望的以为　生命只有黑夜
I dejectedly thought that life is only filled with darkness.

birthday wishes

2007-03-14T15:19:00.000+08:00

I know, i know, its waaaayyyyyy too early to start asking for birthday pressies... But my friends needs time to prepare for the ultimate gifts mah! Like saving up enough money to buy them... Horhorhor...

So here goes my wish-list:

(1) Sony Ericsson W850i Walkman Phone

(2) Wireless Broadband Router

(3) Transition Lens for Spectacles (Those that turned dark in the light!)

(4) Mitsubishi Colt okok... This is a joke... No one will buy me car...

(Edit: 17 March 2007)

(5) Sling Bag (Sample picture only! Any design also can! =p)

(6) And1 Swingman Mid

Ok! Start saving up peps! I'll be waiting! Wahahaha! =p

conversation with my bro in the states

2007-03-14T13:20:00.000+08:00

my bro thinks that he is in deep shitz... think again...

Haha! Anyway, jia you bro! 1 more week!

Lame Shitz

2007-03-11T10:35:00.000+08:00

Hahaha! I found this lame shitz while browsing YouTube! Its by this taiwan group called Party Boyz (The one formed by Xiao Zhu, Xiao Gui and 3 other members)

(I'm a sucker for YouTube Videos)

Quite 欣赏罗志祥, i think he is one funny and hardworking guy! And 小鬼 too~~ Although i feel he has lived long enough under the shadows of his 罗主任. He should moved on and become independent le! (Hahahaha!)

random stuffs

2007-03-11T02:37:00.000+08:00

I've made some progress with the literature searches! I sure hope that is a good thing! Gonna have to SERIOUSLY read through them tomorrow!

It's almost 3am! I think i will probably wake up at 11+am tomorrow again!

Guoxiong accompanied me for dinner tonight, much appreciated BRO! You could have eaten with your auntie (and have a free meal!) but you chose to eat with me =) Hey, once you fix that KTV session with Jiaqi, just let me know! I will come!
Hmm... Still quite a lot to do!! Tomorrow!

Okie... now... a verrrryyyy old song that i fell in love with! Don't ask me why, i just loved it. YY, you will find this song ultra familiar! Coz we hear it at least once a month! Its played by one of our youth band! =)

To love somebody - Bee Gees (1967)

Friday

2007-03-10T13:42:00.000+08:00

I really enjoyed myself yesterday. I skipped class =p

I went to the ITShow, and later to this sooooo nice cafe in Selegie.

The ITShow was crapped and i really boooore myself out there. Admittedly, it is the worst place one can be on a Friday evening, especially when (1)you skipped class for this (2)you don't need anything from the fair (3)you aien't got any spare bucks that you might want to splurge on the occasional DVD-ROMs.

Singaporeans are such suckers for this kinda of fairs, why can't they buy printers, DVD-ROMS, and the oh-so-cheap thumbdrives any other times? It is no wonder stall-owners at Sim Lim know how to jack their prices up, knowing well that people will flock to their stalls at the show and grab all the "cheap" items, better still, they throw in those "goodies" like a "Get a Free MousePad for every $2398 you spent", and we will go "I want"!

Now, i am not lamenting that i think Singaporean sucks, they don't, they just allowed companies to dig their graves for them. I, for one, was such a culprit last year when i bought my laptop at a computer fair. Why? For the relatively "cheap" price and the goodies they thrown in. See, i am a sucker too. Now, i haven't regret my laptop, i love it. What i'm trying to say is, Singaporean's mindset allowed business to draw on the fact that we like "discounts" and "goodies", so this kinda of fair allowed them to make huge profits while we satisfy our needs to "get more than we intended".

Ok, enough about the fair.

After our little expedition at the fair, we (Jieming, Steph, HengXin and me) had our dinner at BK and went to a few places namely German Bar, 爱琴海， and finally settled down at Hark Cafe (Cool place!).

I wanted live songs, so i suggested the chill out place at Millenia Walk, but it was full. So we went to 爱琴海 instead. After settling down for 5minutes, we realised that the songs, ambience and age-groups were not really us, so we moved on (Not after i accidentally popped in a piece of potato chip and had to leave sheepishly... Luckily we were not charged, and thanks to Steph for being so braved to ask =p).

So we drove to Selegie and finally settled down at the Hark Cafe. There was a live band, nice songs and some clique dialougue to amuse us... Haha. But overall, it was really nice, the songs they sang, the ambience and the drinks! The cafe encouraged their guests to sing to the live band... But as me and Steph had put it, you have got to be either (1)super thick skinned or (2)sang superbly well to go up. We were neither.

They have really nice programmes seriously, like Men's Night on Wed, Ladies Nights on Tue, Singing Competition on Thu, performances on weekends... Best, the price is not expensive, $8+ per person and we sat through from 11-1+am. I shall go back there again.

Happy TGIF night. =>

2007-03-09T00:56:00.000+08:00

Kumar (my Honours Research Tutor) says that it is a normal process to feel lost at this stage. And it's the feeling of being lost and being frustrated that is part and parcel of doing an Honours thesis.

I trust him.

Coz lost and frustrated is what i am feeling right now.

I am getting an NUS library access card, going to eat, sleep, live in NUS library sooner or later.

(Besides trying to earn a few bucks to live... I realise i am getting low on funds)

Sorry to Kee Choon, its as if i trick you to have dinner with me, yet i ended up being late and only taking a drink.

Tui Na

2007-03-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

Tan Kuang Hong! I know you came and you had read my whining entries! If not, you wouldn't have been able to talk to me the whole afternoon on the so many topics that i found ever so familiar. Namely, career, religion and conversational english. I only feign ignorance. >.^

Anyway, thanks! For taking time to update yourself a little about your dear friend before meeting him, for accompanying him to Tui Na and of course also for passing him so many DVDS to watch. (He have thus finished watching DOA, and thinks its nice!)

Anyway, i went Tui Na today because i sprained my ankle like 4-weeks ago... And it still haven't heal, so i thought i better have it checked...

This clinic, located at Kovan, has got at least 30-years of chinese physician experiences (according to my mother), and have even treated my uncle (who has now became a grandfather already).

This visit is nothing short of excitement!

Now, my idea of the chinese treatment for injured ankles was... well... to have my sorry leg twisted and turned and for me to be yelling "Oh god, save me!". Nothing came close to that, the whole time, my wonderful physician was massaging my ankle with this "warm rock" which made me feel oh-so-wonderful, all the time...

Now, forgive me for being ignorant about the chinese-style of treatment, but i seriously did not know that you can bake chinese medication before applying them! And forgive my poor observation skills that i actually did not see this big antique oven right in front of me until i saw my medication being hoarded in to bake... He was going to bake a cake and wrap them around my leg! Now isn't that exciting?

Tink

My "cake" is ready! He took it out of the oven and my mind when "Oh my god, please tell me you are not going to apply it to me now!!" The goddamn "cake" was steaming! I could see smoke protruding from all its surfaces, and mind you, it wasn't exactly a small piece of "cake" you're looking at. Its at least 15cm by 7cm.

Phew

He continued to massage my ankle while the "cake" cooled. And finally, after he applied the "cake" to my ankle, i felt good. It has got a warm, fuzzy feeling. And i smiled.

Yup, thats my (not so much) experience with Tui Na, for now, here's a picture of my poor poor leg:

Career decision

2007-03-06T12:52:00.001+08:00

I have thoughts of giving up the Honours Thesis... I'm such a quitter... NOOOO!

I must hang in there! Its only the second week. Sigh... They tell me its the starting that is difficult, i truly hope so. Coz its reaaalllly difficult!

I must pull something out... Honours makes a big difference in the civil service! And civil service is where i want to be. I think people must be thinking, stupid idiot, theres a much better world out there! The private sectors will give better!

Sigh, no, i don't like the too competitive and "dark" outside world. I just want a happy simple life. (Although i heard of conspiracy within climbing the public ladders as well... oh well... but may not be as bad right). Besides, i hold a Social Work degree, what do i do with it in the private sector? Admin executive? Or Customer Service Officer?

Anyway, my career path is more or less decided! I know where i am heading. I just don't know how to put it across to others.

I WILL BECOME A SENIOR PRISONS OFFICER.

I want to be in a job that makes a difference to others, to touch others life. So it will not be just a job, it will be what people called "PASSION". Some thing that sitting down in front of the desk churning programming codes will not bring me.

I also want to be in a job which holds a certain level of authority. To satisfy my own internal self-satisfying need to be in control. (Sadistic huh)

I hold a social work degree. Which means, i am trained to help. So i will do it. And did you know that, for the whole goddamn social service, the pay isn't very remarkable. So, to enable my family, my mum, dad, my future wife and children to lead a fairly comfortable life, i think this job should accomplish that. =)

I think people might argue, then its a waste of your social work education! No. My social work background will enable me to be able to better work with these group of people. I am trained to empathised with them, to address their issues and to see things in the social work perspective. So wasted? Nah.

Its just wasted to the Social Service sector that after training me, i am not going to call myself a social worker by designation. Although i still consider myself being part of the social service field. Some might not.

religious thoughts

2007-03-06T12:28:00.000+08:00

There are some thoughts that i had wanted to tell last night too. On Saturday, i rejected 2 invitations to 2 different church activities. Why? Coz i know its wrong for me to go.

If you asked me, am i a Christian, a Buddhist or a Taoism. I will tell you, i am neither.

I was involved with the Trinity Church for a while last year, and to be honest, i like being there. I loved the services (though i don't like cell for some reason, no not the people, its just that i don't like cell generally). And yea, they were inviting me to return, but i kept pushing them off.

I have my reasons. I liked the words of the bible. But i don't think i will ever commit should my ties with my family remains. The reason, my mother. A very devoted Taoist, very adhering to its belief and will dutifully pray on the 1st, 15th and 30th of the lunar month, not forgetting the many BIG festivals on which even today, i can't remember except for a few. Its amazing, that i'm not influenced in her ways, although i go to the temple once in a while.

She doesn't really take into the idea that i attend services. And i can totally understand that. She put in a lot of effort for the family, especially in 2006, where the family went through many dark times together. I'm not talking about what happened, but it was a tough ride. Besides that, besides what we were going through, she enthusiastically supported me in my studies, knowingly well how much it costs.

So tell me, what can i do? I am indebted. I will NEVER DO THINGS THAT HURT HER!

For seeing the pain she goes through, i will never hurt her this way by doing things against her wish. Cause, never in my life will i ever be able to repay her for whatever she did and is doing for me.

I hope you understand.

Conversational English

2007-03-06T11:16:00.000+08:00

I have a little chat with my dear friend, Phyllis, on our way home together last night. She asked me if i was "always uncomfortable around girls?" Hell no. Why would i be? I am not gay.

But i'm not surprise she made such an observation. Coz i tend to be quieter among them (the girls), choosing to shut up. Why you might ask me. I think i am pretty conscious of myself. And i kinda undertood myself as someone not capable of many intelligent thoughts, so i thought i better not make a fool of myself, by talking crap... Especially when i feel my command of the English Language is not that up to notch (some people might laugh at this!)

But i think it sucks when i wanted to express some feelings in English, and the words just dosen't come out right. And i don't know if i am wrong to say this, but i think this is fairly common in Singapore, where many people tend to be able to converse better in Mandarin but write better in English. Coz i think i write pretty well (well, at least a little better than me writing in Mandarin).

What to do, when i grew up in a family where Mandarin/Teochew was pre-dominantly the primary language. In school (pri/sec/poly), i converse mainly in Mandarin. When i enter Army, worst, i started conversing in a mixture of Hokkien+Mandarin... So, how/when did i had the chance to brush up my conversational English? Well, it must be after i ORD and started working. Over the past few designations that i've being brought through, i was "forced" to converse in English. As a teacher in RGS (English is the median for education remember?), as a Trainee Probation Officer (i don't converse English with my probationers, but my colleagues were mainly England-speakers...) and finally as a staff of SCS where there were people other than the usual cheenas. Of course, school and discussion helps.

Anyway, i hope my confidence in this improve (a lot). Coz i'm gonna be starting full-time work next year!

2007-03-04T22:42:00.000+08:00

Today marks the 1st year anniversary. If you know what i mean.

Saturday

2007-03-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

Saturday. The initial plan was, to go for MCYS briefing (in the morning), come back, and do my readings.

In the end...

I have to meet YY for lunch at TPY Lor 1, because she conveniently made me her official photocopying machine by asking me to make copies of her application forms and some emails to pass to her BY TODAY!

Not that i minded, Lor 1 is only 10minutes away from MCYS and i needed a lunch kahki anyway.

Then after lunch, we decidedly head off to our old office at JSSC. Because i gave the idea that "Hey, its Saturday, theres Band! Let's visit them and hear them Jam!" What supposedly was the planned short visit then turned out to be an incredibly long and fun "catching up" session with the boys, coupled with games of Pool (of which i lost every single 1 of them >.<"), chats and band songs.

Finally left at around 3plus to head out (again) to Raffles City, answering Hwee Ping last minute call-out for a meet-up. And i am amazed at how this girl arrange to meet with her friends. She said "Meet Town", so where is "town"? I simply assumed we were going to meet at City Hall, since i suggested going to the career fair. But no, she SMS to ask me where we meeting, and i was like "Not City Hall meh!?" Lucky she didn't complain.

Waited for her at Bread and Toast (i think i laughed too hard with my youths, until i became super hungry again, so i went to eat). So while waiting for her, i chatted with Kuang Hong over the phone regarding "yesterday". She arrived, stole my bread (no lah, i couldn't finish) and we left for the fair.

It was somehow a lucky thing that i visited the fair again today. Because yesterday when i went and wanted answers about career as a Prison Officer, only the HR people were around (i think coz its Fri and they thought it a waste of resources to place more people there), and i really don't think they know much about experiences of the trainings the officers go through.

But today was different, they have a couple of REAL Prisons Officer and he could better answer my questions of the job. => And Hwee Ping was interested too, so she asked questions too, and i learned.

After the fair, we wandered around and i suddenly had the urge to catch a show, so we ended up having a quick dinner and caught "The Pursuit of HappYness", the show by Will Smith. I think its a nice and touching show, but overall depressing... I cannot imagine the emotional traumas he is going through, but neither could i not agree more when he had to put his young son through the same hardship as him when he could live with his mother instead. I also can't believe why under a situation where he was facing bankruptcy, tonnes of bills on the table and a leaving wife could he still decide not to look for a "normal" job and rather choose to sign up as a salary-less stockbroker trainee which could truly end him up as a "broker".

Well, i wouldn't know if my choice of his would have ended up with the same success he enjoyed, but under THAT circumstances, i reaaallly would find a job.

Anyway, after the movie, we bumped around a little more while she went on to buy 2 necklaces (supposedly her way of congrating herself for passing her goddamn psy paper), and we went our separate way. By then i was quite shag already, having woke up at 8.30am this morning.

But a very productive day i call it! Although, in the end, my readings is still neatly resting on my shelves.

Moral of the story: Don't plan your day. =p

(Side-track: I decided to remove "Comments" and the "ChatBox" on this blog. Because even with my over-zealous prompting to friends who visits my blog to "Say something" and to ALL my invisible (read:unknown) patrons who pop by to read my whining entries, no one says anything. So... i better remove it, it just made me looked pathetic. Contact me if someone actually wanted it back.)

2007-03-02T23:41:00.000+08:00

Today marks the end of my FIRST week daily lessons in school. Gosh i am so tired!

It is seriously no joke to go to school everyday! Even though it is just 2hours a day. I seriously wonder how i managed to wake up at 6am and stayed awake listening to monologuely-programmed teachers rambling 1+1 when i was only six years old. Kudos to kids these days, i would jolly well wandered off to lalaland.

But then again, these kids don't have 32529-yellow-pages of readings to read everyday, and another 3987 essays to write which can amount to 15130679712158 number of words!

Okie, i am exaggerating. But i do really have a lot of readings to do and 10 other #^%&* essays to write. To top it off, i also have a thesis on which i still have absolutely no idea what to write.

I am just sulking. But the thing is, i can't get myself to work during the day. So i burn 2 nights trying to get somethings done. On a happier note, i managed to get a little moving. Maybe, i should work by night and sleep until its time for me to go for classes.

Oh, i was a little disappointed when Kuang Hong (who promise to help me ask about a temp job - which he did) told me that they don't need people for the time being. Hmm...

Actually, i wanted to do a little teaching. Just like what i used to do 1 year ago at this time. Should i not hold back and try to ask my ex-company if they wanna me to come back? My ideal time schedule is to teach in the morning (since schools usually morning sessions now), fuck off by noon and head off to library or something to do schoolworks, and finally head off to class at night.

I haven took much pictures recently, so sian, i wanna keep more memories of myself. Memories of me sulking away, rotting in the decay of modern society waiting for the big erky flies to feast on my rotting body. No, serious, i want to take pictures!

I have always had an interest to indulge in pleasure reading (not my horrendous yellow pages! but nice novels)! And my latest book is making an idiot out of me on the MRT, by tickling me to, literally speaking, LAUGH OUT LOUD. I am reading the inks of Neil Humphreys' Notes from an even smaller Island. His light-hearted way of putting an issue/a culture across to another is simply magical. And certainly, his way of writing has very much now influence the way i write! Love it. Although he really did make me look like an idiot in the train.

Slack slack away ah...

2007-02-28T12:56:00.000+08:00

OH my god, i have officially gotten used to waking up at 10am in the morning. This is so not good. How!!??

My semester has officially started, and i still haven gotten the slightest idea how to go on with my Honours research. How!!??

I want to finish my assignments ASAP! But still have no heart to do it. How!!??

I want to do a bit of work. But i got too many 条件. Like must be no-brainer job, must not be long-hours, must not have commitment, must pay reasonably-well. Like how!!??

I wanna go out and run, do some execrises, but i can't get my lazy ass off the chair. (Plus it keeps raining these days...) How!!??

I AM JUST SO SLACK. How!!??