Woohoo... I bought the "History of Singapore" DVD (the one shown on Discovery channel) as well as MayDay's JUMP! 离开地球表面 CD. Total $50!

No regrets! Been wanting to get both anyway! After watching parts of the DVD in class, i''ve been wanting to watch all of it! And the MayDay CD, it's MayDay leh, of course must get! ;)

That's not the end! When the 881 DVD comes out, i will also get it. Fly... more money... Fly... That's alright, i will get this show, coz its getting it for mum and dad, who have no time to watch at the cinema. They will like it one.

I was just looking through my friendster pics when i realise that i don't have many clothes to wear! I seemed to have been caught on camera in the same clothes for a lot of times... without me realising... I need to shop soon.

Anyway, here's a song that i really liked. Listen to it when you're in a darker mood. It helps. Coz its sweet. ;)

有个不能说的秘密。。。 Shhhhhh。。。 =X

看了Jay的"Secret", 心中起了种甜甜， 单纯的感觉。 它这故事， 不就是一个简简单单，平平凡凡， 却柔中带着一滴不可思议的爱情故事? 每段Love Story都不应该是这样的吗？

我的小雨她在哪里？ 她有在找我吗？



其实，这故事廷让我想起古天乐和刘若英那部“生日快乐”， 也是一段甜甜的爱情故事。 不过“生日快乐”好像就没有那么一个完美的结局。。。

讨厌被拒绝的感觉。 不管是被家人，朋友，或喜欢的人，都特别不喜欢。

因为讨厌，而不敢尝试。
因为讨厌，而没勇气尝试。
因为讨厌，而都把心里话，放心里。

与其说讨厌，不如说害怕。 害怕被拒绝，害怕它所带来的空虚，寂寞， 和现实。

不原知道真相， 不敢知道答案，害怕知道答案之后的结果，所以选择把话藏心。 不管对谁都是一样。

这就是我， 没有勇气的我，没有安全感的我。

朋友阿，不要让我被感拒绝，被感寂寞，好吗？ 我害怕，我讨厌。

I was reading through some theories today and one of them was on the Maslow's Hierarchy of needs theory.

Maslow argued that there are 5-levels of needs, namely Physiological, Safety, Love/Belongness, Esteem and Self-actualisation. The most basic of needs must be met in order to move up the levels to achieve self-actualisation, which is the acceptance of oneself and to achieve "Nirvana" in a sense.

And then, i tried the theory on myself to assess which level i am at. I figured, no problem with physiological, all basic needs like food, water, shelter are met. Next, safety. No treat to current level of safety, met.

Next, Love/Belongness/Social needs. The need to feel belonged to a social group, thus refraining from loneliness, social anxiety and depression. There are so many "social groups" that i can relate to, my closer groups of friends, my buddies, my social work classmates, my colleagues, my family... They all give me a different sense of belongness, some a lot more, some lesser. So met? Yes and no. Not an easy answer.. Towards some groups, the sense of belongness remains, whenever it is. Towards another, the feeling exist when we see each other, towards yet another, you just don't feel that you are one of them. At times, feelings of loneliness can be overwhelming, yet at times the feeling of happiness can be overwhelming too. Basically, i'm a person who need to feel "loved" and "needed". Grey area.

Esteem. 1 huge problemful area. I am no confident a person. Have been told a number of times that i appeared very confident, the fact is, i appear confident. Maslow states that a person who achieved his esteem needs accepts himself and feels a sense of contribution towards the activities he engages in. There are 2 levels and i reckon i belonged to the lower level where a person needs to be constantly re-assured by the others on their achievements.

So, i am stuck at the Esteem level. The level before self-actualisation. And rest assure, that i am finding my way up the level, one day, i will achieve self-actualisation. =)

881 ya! Yo ah yo!

I finally watched this show on Saturday, with a "willing" confidante who only had a vague idea of what the show was about (but still willing to watch with me unlike the so many others that i asked that have no response, not free or not interested to watch). He left applauding the show, and i left very much satisfied with my $9.50 well-spent. Thanks KH.

For those who haven't watched it, i recommend you to go catch it. Now. 881 is a part musical, part theatrical story that revolves around 2-sisters pursuing the passion of becoming getai singers, delivered in Hokkien singings and chinese dialogues. The local version of Moulin Rogue, Perhaps love and High School Musical.

This must be the most beautiful show i have watched for a very long time! I wonder how many people actually will support local productions... Support LOCAL PRODUCTIONS! They don't suck okie! I personally think that we locals have a lot of talent, left un-spotted for a very long time. Roystan Tan is one such local talent. I admire his courage, passion and his eye for spotting and making films that touches the heart of Singaporean and portray us the way we are.

Make more films and touch more hearts!

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so (s)he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be

...and we were letting go of something special... something we'll never have again, i know, i guess i really really know...

...Well hey... So much i need to say. Been lonely since the day, the day you went away... So sad but true, for me there's only you, been crying since the day, the day you went away...

Do you think you are the only one with problems? I just hide mine in the deepest corner of my age-old closet. One where even i myself do not open and peer into.

i think...

people who i work FOR thinks i'm dumb

people who i work WITH thinks i'm bright




drained... tired... exhausted... f* need a break... Work, attending classes, teaching tuition, doing assignments, preparing thesis paper... NO JOKE.

3more weeks to end of work. 4more weeks to end of class! Kempatei ne!

Actually have a lot of feelings these days... But no mood, or energy to write... at all.

Maybe... maybe... I will stop writing?