A lot of people close to me have been advising me on my choice recently. And i would like to thank them for hearing me. Vincent, Hwee Ping, Kuang Hong, Ying Ying (who advises me on another matter and probably won't know coz she dosen't know i have this online diary).

Maybe they didn't know that they were advising me, but they did anyway. Maybe i didn't show that i took their words seriously, but i did ponder over them.

I have been giving this much thoughts, about my decision (or not) to follow God. These pals, they shed lights to me about what's gonna happened should i take on the path. I know where they are coming from and how they felt. They did not insist that i follow the way they think (Say, with the exception of Hwee Ping who is a SWK-to-be, when did the rest learned the SWK skill of being non-judgemental and allowing informed choice? heh.).

I was giving it much thoughts, but although i still do not want to announce my final decision, i sort of had an answer in my heart. THANKS ALL!

I think the way i think nowadays is a little influenced by church, things that happens, if it's good, i think its God's grace, if its bad, i think is God's test for me. Strange heh? Anyway, Trinity and church did walk me through some of the darker days of my life, and i am grateful for that.

Yesterday night, i met my mum at the toilet (strangely, i called it met, we live in the same house, but still we didn't plan to talk, maybe i didn't plan to talk, but we talked anyway).

I realised that she had a lot of things planned out already for me, i wouldn't have known until she shared them with me. She even thought out how much i would earn next time, how much i should save and spent, how i can prepare for my own future. She shared how much she is willing to give me for the next year, how she will worked hard for now and slowed down after i graduate. How much i could give her next time and what she will do with the money i will give her.

She knew my decision to want to have my own house and she respected that. She ask me to buy my own place and leave this house to them. For that, i am very glad. She shared so much, and i know that all she wants is to see me happy and successful.

All i want is to see her happy too. And i am happy to know that she cares so much. So how could i hurt her? How could my selfish needs over shadowed her love? There are so many problems in my family already, should i be adding them on? From whatever she is giving me, and whatever i am taking from her, it's simply unfair.

I know what i should do.